Dear V

Behind the mask: costumes decoded

Halloween is only a day away, uncomfortably sandwiched between a sub-par concert and a game that Ol’ V will definitely not be awake for.

However, Oct. 31 is a staple of college culture and will therefore be an important day for relationship scouting.

Let’s face it. Though you go to college to find your career, in between classes you are looking for a mate. Whether this is because you want to date or actually mate, though, is up to you.

Nevertheless, as I have recommended in previous issues, everyone will dress up to somehow express themselves. In an age when interaction is plagued by students hiding behind their devices and read receipts, this is a prime occasion where judgment can be based on the exterior.

So, here is V’s official “What Each Costume Tells You about a Person”


These people are insensitive, probably never had to deal with a deadly disease, may like puns and don’t understand that you would probably get Ebola if you wore that costume.

Cat, Mouse or Bunny

These people are boring. They probably have worn that exact same costume since high school and most likely are itching to show off that belly button ring. They only came to drink.

Metaphor or Pun (i.e. Eggs Over Easy)

These people are witty, like to try hard and crave attention. They have high GPAs and started planning this costume on Nov. 1 last year.

A Pixar character or Minion

These people do not believe in growing up. They find potty humor hilarious – especially the word “poop.” These people are proud of themselves and are not afraid to show it. These spandex-clad individuals think the only thing they have to offer are their bodies.

Something actually scary

None of these people have ever seen “Mean Girls.” They probably did not get a lot of attention from their parents as a child – or too much – but they’ll get a good laugh from scaring people in the Stacks at night.


October 29, 2014



Advice Columnist

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