Dear V

Behind the mask: costumes decoded

Halloween is only a day away, uncomfortably sandwiched between a sub-par concert and a game that Ol’ V will definitely not be awake for.

However, Oct. 31 is a staple of college culture and will therefore be an important day for relationship scouting.

Let’s face it. Though you go to college to find your career, in between classes you are looking for a mate. Whether this is because you want to date or actually mate, though, is up to you.

Nevertheless, as I have recommended in previous issues, everyone will dress up to somehow express themselves. In an age when interaction is plagued by students hiding behind their devices and read receipts, this is a prime occasion where judgment can be based on the exterior.

So, here is V’s official “What Each Costume Tells You about a Person”

Ebola

These people are insensitive, probably never had to deal with a deadly disease, may like puns and don’t understand that you would probably get Ebola if you wore that costume.

Cat, Mouse or Bunny

These people are boring. They probably have worn that exact same costume since high school and most likely are itching to show off that belly button ring. They only came to drink.

Metaphor or Pun (i.e. Eggs Over Easy)

These people are witty, like to try hard and crave attention. They have high GPAs and started planning this costume on Nov. 1 last year.

A Pixar character or Minion

These people do not believe in growing up. They find potty humor hilarious – especially the word “poop.” These people are proud of themselves and are not afraid to show it. These spandex-clad individuals think the only thing they have to offer are their bodies.

Something actually scary

None of these people have ever seen “Mean Girls.” They probably did not get a lot of attention from their parents as a child – or too much – but they’ll get a good laugh from scaring people in the Stacks at night.

V

October 29, 2014

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Miami coach Jim Larranaga is staying on the Hurricanes while they keep piling up wins. Dewan Huell h ...

Shakey Rodriguez, the Miami high school basketball coaching legend, vividly remembers the first time ...

It was a good day for the Miami Hurricanes basketball team. They moved up to No. 6 in the AP Top 25 ...

Erykah Davenport and Shaneese Bailey made key plays back-to-back late in the game and four players s ...

1. MARLINS: Jeter's Fish trade Gordon. Stanton next?: While others spend -- like the Angels to ...

William W. Sandler Jr. Center for Alcohol and Other Drug Education earns national recognition for it ...

Retired baseball star Alex Rodriguez gives "Major League" advice to UM’s fall graduating c ...

Becoming the Man of the Hour ...

Always a little bit of a flair for the dramatic. ...

A scholarship created by retired Major League Baseball star Alex Rodriguez and born out of his love ...

Dewan Huell recorded his second double-double of the season as Miami improved to 9-0 with a 59-50 wi ...

The Miami women's basketball team begins play at the Puerto Rico Classic Monday against Sacrame ...

The University of Miami women's basketball team capped its seven-game homestand with a 79-31 wi ...

University of Miami senior wide receiver Braxton Berrios earned 2017 first-team 2017 CoSIDA Academic ...

USA Diving announced the recipients of its annual awards at a ceremony in conjunction with the 2017 ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.