Dear V

Balance is boy’s best bet

After last week’s heated debate in Jacksonville between the candidates for Florida governor, Charlie Crist and Rick Scott, I decided to host my own debate to cover all of your relationship issues.

There’s nothing more triumphant than earning your desire’s phone number, especially when you’ve been pining for her since the start of the semester. The question of how to earn it, however, is still a touchy subject.

In this regard, I will simulate a debate between two guys trying to ask for a girl’s number. There have been enough romantic comedies that have given us mixed messages of what works and what doesn’t.

In one corner: We have “tall, good-looking frat guy” who goes by Todd. Standing proudly at six-feet and sporting boat shoes, he loves lifting only his upper body, tanning at the pool and pretending he likes romantic comedies.

In the other corner: The “lonely try-hard” named Matthew. Wheezing at about five-feet-eight-inches and wearing a flannel button-down, he likes to sit at the Rathskeller’s gliders, offer the waitresses beverages, open the door for girls and ask what their mom’s maiden name is. He also owns the Nicholas Sparks collection.

V: All right, guys. Here’s the big question: When you want a girl’s number, should you ask for it, or tell her to give it to you?

Todd: Hold on one second, let me finish copying someone’s Yik Yak and pretending it’s mine. Okay done. All right, listen dude, you just tell her to give it to you. After a few minutes of flexing at her from across the party, you just go up to her and say, “Hey babe. I see you looking at me looking at you looking at me, and I know you’re down. Gimme yo’ digits.”

Matthew: My competitor here clearly doesn’t know how to approach women. Girls are delicate, intricate math problems that you have to peel back like a DVD box that is wrapped too tightly. You have to ask for their numbers and give them the opportunity – and the leverage – to grant you acceptance into their life.

Todd: That is so lame. Chicks like confidence, man. They want the guy to make the first move and guide her back to his room.

Matthew: No, those are insecure girls with daddy issues. I’m in it for the real deal. I want to earn a girl’s trust so we can keep a conversation and take it to the next level.

Todd: Who wants a relationship in college? That won’t go anywhere.

Matthew: Neither will your degree, but you seem to still be trying. You’re majoring in political science, but you thought the Gulf War was Tiger Woods versus Happy Gilmore.

V: You’re both wrong and you’re both right. Sure, girls like confidence, and they also like being given the opportunity to grant you permission to call or text them. However, they don’t just want to be taken back to their rooms, and they also don’t want to be thought of as delicate arithmetic either. All you have to do is ask her out on a date – obviously in person – and that’ll tell you whether you’ll score that number. If she says yes, you just smile, look her in the eye, hand her your phone and say, “I’d like to be able to call you sometime, too.”

Unless, of course, you only want the girls with daddy issues. Then, by all means, continue being the kind of person who ruins it for everyone else when decent men actually try to earn that big “T” word: trust.


October 26, 2014



Advice Columnist

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