Dear V

I just want to hang out in my birthday suit …


All I want in my short life is to be able to walk around naked. I want to stop having to wear clothes to school and just hang out in my birthday suit. I mentioned this to my girlfriend of a few weeks the other day, and she seemed really creeped out. She said something about not wanting to have to see my penis all the time. Frankly, I was a little bit offended. She should be attracted to me. Should I just chuck her and find a new girl who accepts me for who I am, or should I just throw caution to the wind and condition her to seeing me naked all the time?



I just want to let it go



Dear Ludacris,

The very first thing that I suggest is that you do what you want and just be naked.

I get it – there’s a sort of freedom that comes from just letting it all air out.

I don’t, however, recommend doing this in public. It’s disturbing to others and, realistically, illegal. So, unless you want to be that creepy guy who streaks at a football game, I would keep your naked urges contained.

I want to say that you should tell your girlfriend to calm down and let you be, but especially if this a new thing, I can understand where she’s coming from. If I’m in a new relationship with someone, I enjoy getting to know them and becoming more intimate, but I certainly don’t need to be looking at you naked three weeks in. You know what I mean?

Nevertheless, it depends on where you see this relationship going. If you think it’s going to last, then just tell her that she should accept you for who you are. If it’s a person you’re just seeing, then you should most definitely find someone who is willing to love all of you.

I’m sure the issue with her not feeling like staring at your man junk all the time has nothing to do with her being or not being attracted to you. Maybe she’s just afraid she won’t be able to control herself around you when you’re naked.

Have an open conversation with your lady and try and work this out. If it’s an absolute deal breaker for her, then just move on and be naked somewhere else.

I know there are a few beaches down here that appreciate that sort of thing.



April 16, 2014



Advice Columnist

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