Dear V

Dear V: My boyfriend is ‘Bound 2’ some porn …

V,

I heard there was a porno made in Hecht like five years ago. Is this true? Because if it is, my boyfriend seems to think that it’s a good idea to use it to get … “inspired.” I hate this thought. I don’t want to have sex while watching some sleazy Internet movie that was made in a place that looks like my dorm room. What should I do?

Sincerely, 

Not Jenna Jameson 

 

Dear Kim Kardashian,

It’s never okay to agree to any sort of sex tape situation, ever.

However, in Kim’s case, she is rich and currently raising the offspring of one of the most famous and douchey rappers, so really, her life didn’t turn out so bad.

I know your boyfriend isn’t asking you to make a sex tape, but I think you should just steer clear of this situation all together. The dorm rooms may be small and dingy, but the two of you can come up with more creative ways to get yourselves going than an old porno. I mean, come on. Does he really need this to get himself going? Do you really need it to get creative and spice up your sex life?

My advice – break up.

Not just because he’s creepy enough to even suggest this, but because your relationship is clearly heading south.

Just start dating some nice guys. It’s not worth your time to be dealing with men who want to stare at an idolized image of a woman at a time when they should be focused on staring at you. And no, it doesn’t matter if he hit it first. Do not take that into consideration.

Women have enough problems with men taking advantage of them as it is, so why make it more complicated for yourself? Just #FightThePower.

I’m sure Kim enjoys the fact that Ray J, Reggie Bush, Kris Humphries and Kanye have all fought for her attention, but this is not the kind of girl you want to be.

And, if it is, make sure you guys do your research correctly and look up more than one porno so you can get a well-rounded education. Have fun – and oh, don’t make any pornos of your own. We all know not everyone has Ryan Seacrest on speed dial waiting to produce a reality TV show based on your life.

V

April 2, 2014

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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