Dear V

Dear V: He’s got the goods but not the looks …


I started dating this guy, but he’s not exactly Brad Pitt. (Don’t blame me – I was on Tinder while under the influence and I drunk-swiped right). Still, he’s got so much going for him. He’s nice, family-oriented, owns a business and is my age. Everything is perfect about him, other than the fact that he’s not quite the looker. He also has a severe case of halitosis. What should I do? I know I sound so vain, and I know I’m no Angelina, but I can’t help but be so choosy when my heart was broken the last time I went against my heart’s wishes and dated someone I ended up loving. If I had listened to my heart in the first place, it wouldn’t have ended up broken when the person I ended up loving turned out to be such garbage.

I’m yelling (at) Tinder


Dear Toni Collette,

Let’s take a step back here and look at it from a larger perspective.

You’re rebounding. And that’s OK.

Seriously, it’s your constitutional and moral right as a citizen of this great nation, to exercise your power as a woman to get jiggy with it. It’s all kinds of Rosie the Riveter type feelings that I won’t go into, but the main thing you should take away from this is that you shouldn’t feel ashamed of being on Tinder. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: Tinder is your friend. Tinder will get you laid. Tinder is the dating pool of the 21st Century and you should take full advantage of that.

That being said, just because you’re in need for some emotional and physical stimulation doesn’t mean that you have to endure a repulsive sexual partner for an extended period of time.

And I don’t mean to be shallow and tell you that you have to go out and find Adonis, but let’s be honest with ourselves here: That’s great that he’s a nice guy with a career and all, but if there’s no fire (and you constantly have to turn your head away to keep yourself from smelling his egg breath – which, by the way, ew) then dump that guy and move on.

I don’t care if you’re not perfect and I don’t care if you’re being choosy. You do what you want, when you want, how you want, and nobody gets to judge you for it. Unless you believe in some sort of higher power that would label you a courtesan and damn you to an afterlife in eternal hell … but even if you do, screw ‘em. You’re young, you’re single and you have a broken heart the size of Texas. Mend it with some sweet, sweet lovin’ from that dude that lives in Brickell Key and wants to take you out for drinks.

I don’t think you’re ready to fall in love again. So stop worrying about it; just live your life. After all, it’s always the unexpected shy guys that sweep you off your feet. You just have to stop looking for them.

Speaking of, I just got a new match on Tinder so I gotta bounce.


March 19, 2014



Advice Columnist

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