Dear V

Dear V: I can’t get no satisfaction …

V,

I‘m dating this guy and he really sucks in the sack. I refuse to pull a Meg Ryan a la When Harry Met Sally and fake an orgasm … so how can I politely tell him to raise the bar … in bed? Should I hire a coach, or should I coach him and be more precise with my instructions when we’re getting hot?

Help me get a mind-blowing orgasm please 

Dear Nora,

Your not-so-infinite sexual playlist probably has you down in the dumps. If this is your first time in the sack or if you’ve just never really had an orgasm before then it makes sense. You’re frustrated and you’re looking for a good time and this guy just isn’t doing it for you.

It’s worth telling him that he’s not doing it for you – politely, of course – you don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings. He probably thinks he’s great in bed and is taking liberties a la lizard-tongued Justin Timberlake in “Friends With Benefits.” Save yourself – and the rest of your fellow women in combat – by telling him his sexual repertoire is just not cutting it.

It’s actually really unfair to you to put up with an unsatisfying sexual partner and who is he to get to enjoy the pleasure of your company when you’re clearly not enjoying his? It is not your job to play cheerleader and give him the satisfaction of thinking that he’s making you weak in the knees … because he’s most definitely not.

What you want to do is sit down and have a talk with him. Or just grab his tongue while he’s down there and stop him in his tracks. The cornerstone of every successful relationship is honesty. You should be honest whether you want to continue seeing him for emotional purposes or purely sexual ones (though from this question I don’t see why you would).

If I were you I would chuck this self-satisfying douche canoe in the trash and find yourself someone who’s willing to please. Anyone with low self-esteem is fair game … it sounds cruel, but Michael Cera pulled through in the end, did he not?

V

February 19, 2014

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Shakey Rodriguez, the Miami high school basketball coaching legend, vividly remembers the first time ...

It was a good day for the Miami Hurricanes basketball team. They moved up to No. 6 in the AP Top 25 ...

Erykah Davenport and Shaneese Bailey made key plays back-to-back late in the game and four players s ...

1. MARLINS: Jeter's Fish trade Gordon. Stanton next?: While others spend -- like the Angels to ...

A six-pack of Hurricanes notes on a Thursday: ▪ With the first ever early signing period just two we ...

Retired baseball star Alex Rodriguez gives "Major League" advice to UM’s fall graduating c ...

Becoming the Man of the Hour ...

Always a little bit of a flair for the dramatic. ...

A scholarship created by retired Major League Baseball star Alex Rodriguez and born out of his love ...

New Multi-State Institute Focuses on Reducing Damage from Severe Storms ...

Eighteen Hurricane student-athletes graduated from four schools and colleges at the University of Mi ...

Miami director of track and field/cross country Amy Deem's incredible career earned her a place ...

Check out the latest edition of Hurricane Magazine. ...

Members from the Miami track and field team spent the afternoon at the Boys and Girls Club in Miami ...

UM administrators, coaches and alums took part in yesterday's allCanes Holiday Shopping Spree f ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.