Comments Off

9 February 2014

Dear V: Too tipsy on the dance floor …

V,

I fell on the dance floor at a frat party. I can’t remember much from that night, but I do remember him. He helped me up, and I could not imagine anyone more attractive. I was caught off guard, and he took me to a nearby chair. We started flirting. Both of us were drunk, which meant that talking was out of the question. But hooking up was not. We made out for a while until my friend told me it was time to leave. We kissed on top of the car, and then I said “I love you.” At the time, I didn’t realize what an idiot I made of myself. I like this guy, but I don’t want to seem crazy. What should I do?

Crazy in Love

 

Dear Beyonce,

That night, you not only wore your new, cute (and disposable) Forever 21 dress, but also tried on a new set of beer goggles. Beer goggles distort your perception to such an extent that frat parties become as fancy as Gatsby’s shindig or an after-Oscars party.

You could have fallen in love with the grimiest of frat royalty. You could have also ended up as the inspiration for a “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” episode. I expect you’d survive at the end.

Alas, you think you found your prince charming, so we’ll go with your version of the story.

Wearing your beer goggles has its advantages. Under the force of foamy, cheap beer, you’re more likely to tell the truth without having to worry about Trish making fun of any extra Nutella weight you may have put on during winter break.

Saying “I love you” is not the end of the world. In fact, you’ve skipped some of the unimportant steps before getting to that point. Love at first sight can be a real thing. You didn’t care where this frat bro came from; it’s an unadulterated attraction that might make for a good reality show on E! or MTV.

Think about the tell-all book you’re going to publish when you’re 40 with three kids. The headlines will read “Sparkling housewife finds love at first sight.” After a few appearances on the “Today Show” and “Good Morning America,” you will be well on your way to a spot on coveted daytime talk shows. Look out, Whoopi!

So don’t stress over a small Freudian slip. See it as a good career move and getting a head start on the competition.

As Sasha Fierce once said, if you like it, then you should’ve put a ring on it.

V