Dear V

Dear V: I ended the gig with a gag …

V,

Last night I went downtown with my boyfriend, and I’m not talking about the downtown with the Liberty Tower and Club Space – I’m talking about the one that has an address including the digits 6 and 9. I had never gone down that block before, but my man made it a requisite for me to go there before he watered my own front yard again.

Everything was going well until I approached the gate of his yard. I threw up everywhere. I couldn’t contain how grossed out I was. And now I don’t know what to do. I threw up everywhere last night, picked up my stuff and left. I haven’t talked to him since. Any tips on how to handle the situation?

Help!

I still love the hose

 

Dear Pukey,

It’s OK to be grossed out by man junk. To be honest, it’s not the most pleasant thing in the world to deal with.

For the most part, if a guy is clean and well-kept, it’s usually fine, but I’ve found that some college men resort to not-so-daily showers and seem to think it’s acceptable to cover their post-pubescent stink with buckets of Axe body spray or that cologne they got for Christmas.

With that being said, I don’t blame you for barfing all over his penis.  I would hope you’re choosy enough to be with men who aren’t totally dirty, but it happens.

Approaching this situation really depends on how far along you are in your relationship. If this is someone who you’ve been with for a really long time, then you can talk to him calmly and let him know that you were really drunk and life happens. If you’ve just started dating this guy, then maybe you should just walk away in shame and never talk to him again. But if he asks to see you again, he’s an angel and deserves much more than a blowjob.

Don’t stress out too much about this; you’ll probably get a great anecdote for the next time you go out with someone – though if he’s mentioned it to his friends already, it’s out there. Good luck finding a date anytime soon.

V

February 2, 2014

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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