Opinion

Embrace the miracle of Thanksgivukkah

As a Jewish American, I have had the pleasure of celebrating both Thanksgiving and Hanukkah each year. But for the only time in my life, these two holidays will fall on the same day. I might not live long enough to experience it again because I’m still waiting on Harry to come back with my sorcerer’s stone. Until then, “Thanksgivukkah,” is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that everyone should enjoy.

I know what most of you are thinking: “All this means is we get that annoying ‘Dreidel Dreidel’ song out of the way before Christmas.” But I’m here to tell you otherwise. We can all have the privilege of being able to embrace two of the best holidays simultaneously.

Now, technically, most of you aren’t Jewish. However, I am not Christian, yet I will still have to buy my girlfriend(s) a Christmas, Valentine’s Day and second Valentine’s Day present – so it’s only fair that gentiles embrace our culture, too.

Fortunately, it will be easy to combine said occasions. Consider the food. Hanukkah offers a wide range of fine Jewish cuisine that starts and ends with latkes. Don’t worry, they’re delicious. All you have to do is plop some shredded potatoes on a frying pan and then drown them in applesauce. Set those bad boys inside of a turkey, and you will have the most scrumdiddlyumptious stuffing ever.

Next, practice the sacred Hanukkah tradition of playing dreidel. Schlep over to your local synagogue and purchase wooden dreidels (spinning tops) and gelt (chocolate coins). Then, obtain a large bowl and place all of the dreidels inside to display on your counter, and eat every single piece of chocolate without playing any games. This activity is a must for the kids’ table.

Finally, there’s the menorah. A menorah is a candle holder that comfortably fits nine candles (eight for each night and a ninth for lighting all the others). How can this be combined with America’s rich tradition of turkey and football? Before igniting the candles, slip all of the drunk uncles’ car keys onto the menorah, so it can act as a key holder. After lighting it, the intoxicated family members won’t be able to drink and drive because Mighty Menorah will set them to flames.

Clearly, Thanksgivukkah is an impeccable Jew stew that fuses Hanukkah’s best assets with the classic Thanksgiving feast. There is no reason for anyone to ignore this opportunity. So, please, have a great Thanksgivukkah, everybody, and stay kosher, San Diego/Miami.

Danny New is a freshman majoring in broadcast journalism.

November 27, 2013

Reporters

Danny New


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

It was a good day for the Miami Hurricanes basketball team. They moved up to No. 6 in the AP Top 25 ...

Erykah Davenport and Shaneese Bailey made key plays back-to-back late in the game and four players s ...

1. MARLINS: Jeter's Fish trade Gordon. Stanton next?: While others spend -- like the Angels to ...

A six-pack of Hurricanes notes on a Thursday: ▪ With the first ever early signing period just two we ...

University of Miami coach Mark Richt and Wisconsin coach Paul Chryst sat on a stage poolside at the ...

Daniela Deu was drawn to both architecture and urbanism, believes architecture can change communitie ...

Canes Basketball player development assistant will graduate with MSED in Sport Administation. ...

UOnline graduate will earn his M.S. in Health Informatics ...

Seeking a college experience within a diverse community, this graduate found her home away from home ...

Graduating with Comedic Timing ...

Hurricanes earn highest ranking since March 2013. ...

Walker IV recorded a career-high 26 points, seven rebounds in the win over Boston U. ...

The University of Miami women's basketball team earned an impressive 65-54 win over No. 20/23 K ...

Miami senior wide receiver Braxton Berrios, a double major in finance and entrepreneurship, was name ...

After its longest break of the season thus far, the University of Miami women's basketball team ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.