Opinion

Embrace the miracle of Thanksgivukkah

As a Jewish American, I have had the pleasure of celebrating both Thanksgiving and Hanukkah each year. But for the only time in my life, these two holidays will fall on the same day. I might not live long enough to experience it again because I’m still waiting on Harry to come back with my sorcerer’s stone. Until then, “Thanksgivukkah,” is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that everyone should enjoy.

I know what most of you are thinking: “All this means is we get that annoying ‘Dreidel Dreidel’ song out of the way before Christmas.” But I’m here to tell you otherwise. We can all have the privilege of being able to embrace two of the best holidays simultaneously.

Now, technically, most of you aren’t Jewish. However, I am not Christian, yet I will still have to buy my girlfriend(s) a Christmas, Valentine’s Day and second Valentine’s Day present – so it’s only fair that gentiles embrace our culture, too.

Fortunately, it will be easy to combine said occasions. Consider the food. Hanukkah offers a wide range of fine Jewish cuisine that starts and ends with latkes. Don’t worry, they’re delicious. All you have to do is plop some shredded potatoes on a frying pan and then drown them in applesauce. Set those bad boys inside of a turkey, and you will have the most scrumdiddlyumptious stuffing ever.

Next, practice the sacred Hanukkah tradition of playing dreidel. Schlep over to your local synagogue and purchase wooden dreidels (spinning tops) and gelt (chocolate coins). Then, obtain a large bowl and place all of the dreidels inside to display on your counter, and eat every single piece of chocolate without playing any games. This activity is a must for the kids’ table.

Finally, there’s the menorah. A menorah is a candle holder that comfortably fits nine candles (eight for each night and a ninth for lighting all the others). How can this be combined with America’s rich tradition of turkey and football? Before igniting the candles, slip all of the drunk uncles’ car keys onto the menorah, so it can act as a key holder. After lighting it, the intoxicated family members won’t be able to drink and drive because Mighty Menorah will set them to flames.

Clearly, Thanksgivukkah is an impeccable Jew stew that fuses Hanukkah’s best assets with the classic Thanksgiving feast. There is no reason for anyone to ignore this opportunity. So, please, have a great Thanksgivukkah, everybody, and stay kosher, San Diego/Miami.

Danny New is a freshman majoring in broadcast journalism.

November 27, 2013

Reporters

Danny New


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Darrell Langham, the redshirt junior receiver who caused an uproar among Miami Hurricanes fans the p ...

This news release just in from the University of Miami, another impressive class about to be inducte ...

The University of Miami men’s basketball team got a welcome dose of good news on Monday night. Verno ...

After a disheartening week of practice injury-wise following the University of Miami’s victory at Fl ...

University of Miami’s highly-touted freshman Lonnie Walker, who had surgery for a torn right meniscu ...

From a game simulating how whales navigate to a tribute to Ella Fitzgerald, the U showcased some of ...

A new mobile game called Blues and Reds, now available worldwide, aims to help researchers study int ...

A major Lancet Commission report, a three-year project headed by UM’s Professor Felicia Knaul and co ...

With a $6.8 million NIH grant, the UM School of Nursing and Health Studies and FIU Robert Stempel Co ...

A summer 2017 excursion unlike any other united a group of University of Miami students and faculty ...

Darrell Langham has been a hero twice this season, but his path to prominence has been a long one. ...

The University of Miami Sports Hall of Fame has announced the Class of 2018 inductees for the 50th A ...

Senior diver Wally Layland was recognized for her standout performance at the SMU Classic with ACC C ...

University of Miami freshman Lonnie Walker IV was among 20 players named to the watch list for the 2 ...

The Miami Hurricanes will begin preparation for the 2018 season when fall practice commences Wed., O ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.