Miami is a win-win

For the record, Miami has a lot more to offer than just beaches, chimichangas and female chongas.
However, whenever Northeasterners (myself included) inform an adult that we are attending the University of Miami, all they hear is, “Oh, so you just want to party in college.” Because it’s not like the Northeast has big party schools like Lehigh, Rutgers or any of the 23 Penn State campuses.
As a matter of fact, one justified reason to attend college here is that UM is ranked the No. 1 school in Florida by U.S. News & World Report – ahead of the University of Florida. We also have superb academics, exemplary student media organizations and a real community. In fact, statistics show that 100 percent of the time, we are ahead of the University of Florida.
Nevertheless, I have received countless complaints and multiple stink-eyes because whenever I mention to teenagers and parents that I am attending one of the most beautiful colleges in the country, the high schoolers start pushing their parents about living out their college experience in Coral Gables.
It’s a quick process. First, they start wearing orange and green frequently. Then they start improving their Spanish. And in about a month or so, they convert to Judaism.
Frankly, I didn’t choose Miami only because of my Jewish roots, but it is quite nice to be living my retired life down here prematurely.
Parents hate me for promoting this fine institution because they are frightened about sending their children so far from home, especially to a city fraught with drugs, crime and the Miami Marlins (my sleeper pick for the College World Series).
But in actuality, they should be thanking me. I am giving parents every opportunity to come and spend their winters in true Miami fashion. All they have to do is say, “Honey, we really miss you, so we’re going to come down on this fine Tuesday to visit you. By the way, do you have enough Cup of Noodles?”
That’s a win-win in my book. The student gets to attend the best school in the world, the parents get to renew their vows in Cuba and everyone gets to share a Costco supply of Ramen.
So please, don’t be scared to send your children so far away. It gives them a chance to mature and find themselves, which is better than finding them on your couch.

Danny New is a freshman majoring in broadcast journalism.

October 30, 2013


Danny New

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