Dear V

Dear V: Help me dress like a slut…

V,

I don’t know what I am going to dress up as for Halloween. I went to the costume shop near Sunset Place and couldn’t decide what slutty persona to take on. Playboy bunny, hot pumpkin, firefighter with excellent pole-sliding skills or Miley Cyrus (VMA version, of course). What should I be to impress all of the sexy police officers, doctors and cavemen? Be honest with me. I have a great body and don’t want to hide it on the one day I can be a complete and utter slut.

Can’t Be Tamed

 

Dear Karen Smith,

Put your clothes back on.

I don’t care how great your body is, you are no Anna Nicole Smith circa 2001. Have some respect for your parents and practice some self-preservation.

I’m the first one to advocate wild behavior and relatively loose morals, but just because Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it, doesn’t mean it’s a free for all.

While I agree that the culture in this town is gearing more towards having to hang it all out there in order to attract male attention, I maintain that men can smell the desperate on you.

And you’ll definitely reek of Hoe No. 5 if you try to pull off any of these costumes.

You’re clearly a decent person if you’re second-guessing your outfit choices.

If you want my legitimate opinion, dress up in something that’s both sexy and classy … like Jessica Rabbit or Marilyn Monroe. Elegance is key, and a form-fitting red dress does wonders for your love life – especially if you have a body like the one you claim to have.

If I hear of a girl in leopard print lingerie with animal ears dancing on a bar in Brickell, I’ll know who they’re talking about … Don’t let that girl be you.

You should get closer to Jesus or something.

V

October 24, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • Error

The University of Miami has a starting quarterback. On Tuesday, 11 days before the 2017 home opener, ...

Mark Richt, pleased and seemingly confident about his selection of redshirt junior Malik Rosier as t ...

Once known as ‘Quarterback U,’ the Miami Hurricanes have a spotty record of producing top signal cal ...

View photos from the Miami Hurricanes' football practice on Tues., Aug. 22, 2017 … Click to Con ...

Duke Johnson, the all-time leading rusher in Miami Hurricanes history, was one of a dozen members of ...

Students and faculty gathered at the Rock to catch a glimpse of the solar eclipse. ...

UM’s new chief academic officer holds some 40 patents, and in 2017 was inducted into the National Ac ...

University of Miami students and researchers are blogging during a month-long expedition in the Gulf ...

The University of Miami has embarked on an ambitious 10-year housing plan that will transform the st ...

María de Lourdes Dieck-Assad, a world-renowned economist and former ambassador, fills a new role for ...

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at http://www.hurricanesports.com/. A feed with an invalid mime type may fall victim to this error, or SimplePie was unable to auto-discover it.. Use force_feed() if you are certain this URL is a real feed.

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.