V's Take

Dear V: How slow should I go…

V,

I started dating a guy I met this past summer from back home who graduated from the University of Miami and still lives and works in Miami. We reconnected once I got back to Miami and hit it off. We are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend and have been for almost a month now. We both want to “take things slow.” What does this mean though? How slow is slow? Simply, how long should I wait to have sex (intercourse) with him? Should I talk to him about it? HELP! 

Keeping It Classy

 

Dear Slowpoke,

You shouldn’t feel like you have to clarify that sex is intercourse. We’re all adults here. The best thing to do is talk to him, but if you can’t even write the word sex with confidence to an anonymous person writing a column in a newspaper, you won’t be able to talk to him about this in person. Get over saying the taboo “s-word” and then read the rest of this answer.

In my experience, “taking it slow” means, “I’m not sure if I like you yet, so I need an opportunity for an out in case I really, really hate you.”

This probably isn’t your case.

If you’re worried that he’ll leave you because you won’t have sex with him, you should probably leave him first because all that means is that he’s a douchebag who doesn’t deserve you.

But since that probably isn’t the case either, what I would say is to just play it by ear. Don’t let outside pressures dictate what’s supposed to go on in your relationship. Monica Geller had sex on a first date on the very first episode of “Friends,” and when they did the audience likability test, the producers found that people didn’t care that she was loose – they still loved her.

So be Monica Geller. Or don’t be, it’s up to you.

My advice for you is to plan a really rom-com influenced dinner, complete with candlelight and cheap wine, and see where the night takes you. If you find that things lead you to more adult activities, be a willing participant and enjoy. You’re allowed to stop it whenever it becomes too uncomfortable. Don’t feel bad about that.

Don’t worry, Chandler will love you no matter how many times you reorganize your apartment.

V

October 2, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

The Hurricanes wrapped up spring with a big, as in 6-5 and 290 pounds, surprise on Saturday. Four-st ...

Spring ended Saturday for the Miami Hurricanes, with hundreds of UM football alumni and family membe ...

One day left for the youngsters to show University of Miami coach Mark Richt what they can do. One d ...

Former Miami Norland High star Zach Johnson is coming home for his final year of college basketball. ...

They have been feted and adored for years by football fans from coast to coast. But legends Frank Go ...

The Energy and Conservation Organization was recognized with the 2018 Roberta “Bosey” Fulbright Foot ...

The Brazilian judge whose office spearheaded a massive corruption and bribery investigation said tha ...

The director of the University of Miami's Osher Lifelong Learning Institute, who passed away Ap ...

Business Professor Patricia Abril, and Trustee Stuart Miller receive Faculty Senate's highest h ...

Miami's women's track and field team entered the top-15 in the latest edition of the NCAA ...

Junior righthander Andrew Cabezas was recognized with ACC Pitcher of the Week honors after an outsta ...

Hurricanes record their best round of tournament on Monday. ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team highlighted its Senior Day with a 4-0 sweep against D ...

The No. 17 Miami women's tennis team wrapped up the regular season with its sixth straight vict ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.