Blurred lines don’t exist in consent

In many movies I’ve seen, there are the “hot scenes” – lustful kisses, passionate groping, vases knocked over and clothes that can’t come off fast enough. The foreplay is always perfect. Then comes the “big moment,” with one beautiful transition into the next.

There are no questions or interruptions, just gasps and goosebumps. But I can’t recall ever seeing someone stop in the middle of the lustful roller coaster ride to say, “Yes, we can have intercourse now” or “I do not plan on allowing you to penetrate me.”

Many rape prevention and safe-sex advocate groups chant, “Yes means yes, and no means no,” but there is a lack of real discourse on what consent means. I would like to explore this often overlooked gray area. There may not always be clear-cut moments of communicating and understanding “yes” or “no.”

Sometimes my sister asks to borrow something that I don’t want to lend her. But I suffer from people-pleasing disorder, so I say, “Yes,” when I want to say, “No.”

Recently my friends wanted to meet up, and I didn’t. But then I did, and then I didn’t. I was thinking “no” as my car drove there. Halfway there, I decided I didn’t feel like being around people, so I went home.

Consent can be that fleeting. One second I want something and the next I don’t. I have a right to change my mind, and it doesn’t make my new decision void.

Being intoxicated also plays into this, and thus, it is another issue that should be mentioned when discussing proper consent. Most drunk people can’t decide which shoe goes on which foot, so how can they be capable of giving someone consent to “hook up?”

I know people who have been raped and others who don’t acknowledge that they have raped. If you see wrongdoing, report it, stop it and stand up for what’s right.

We must respect the gray area and understand what’s considered to be proper consent. And it is our responsibility to talk about this and teach others what it really means.

Find creative ways to get the approval to move from first base to second base and so forth. Life is not a movie. Every transition counts.


Hana Abdulla is a junior majoring in public relations.

September 22, 2013


Hana Abdulla

Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • Error

With the University of Miami season opener closing in, the next starting quarterback has yet to be n ...

The second fall scrimmage, closed to the media and public, is over. University of Miami coach Mark R ...

1. DOLPHINS: Fins any good? 'Dress rehearsal' may tell: Opening win, then lopsided loss. W ...

University of Miami linebacker Jamie Gordinier has had another unfortunate setback, effectively side ...

The calmest coach on the planet got mad Friday after football practice. University of Miami coach Ma ...

UM’s new chief academic officer holds some 40 patents, and in 2017 was inducted into the National Ac ...

University of Miami students and researchers are blogging during a month-long expedition in the Gulf ...

María de Lourdes Dieck-Assad, a world-renowned economist and former ambassador, fills a new role for ...

Through the U Dreamers Grant, DACA students find essential support as they pursue their college degr ...

UM students talk about their internships up north in a city that never sleeps. ...

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at http://www.hurricanesports.com/. A feed with an invalid mime type may fall victim to this error, or SimplePie was unable to auto-discover it.. Use force_feed() if you are certain this URL is a real feed.

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.