Dear V

Dear V: My boyfriend wants to score a touchdown…

V,

I’m a dating an athlete. He won a game this week, and now he wants to conquer the endzone. Only problem is: I’m afraid of his football. Rumor has it, it exceeds NFL regulations. I’m not new to this game, but I’ve only had to play with smaller footballs before.

I want us to score a touchdown, but I need your help.

Any words of wisdom, coach?

Sincerely, 

Taking one for the team 

 

Dear Gisele Bundchen,

Suck it up and rub some dirt on it! That’s as far as my sports talk is going to take us, so prepare yourself.

I get crazy excited when my favorite candidate wins “America’s Next Top Model,” so I can only imagine what winning a football game is like. The adrenaline rush from scoring a real-life touchdown is probably something akin to how a 15-year-old feels when they see One Direction in concert for the first time.

From my experience, when people talk up the size of a man’s “football,” they’re often exaggerating. Take everything you’re told with a grain of salt, and wait to find out for yourself. It’s always better to form your own opinions about those kinds of things.

I highly doubt it’ll be too big for you to handle, so enjoy it! He’s one of the sporty ones, so create an atmosphere that’s comfortable for him and go for the gold. Tune into ESPN, put out some alcohol, and let things fall where they may.

You may just get yourself a championship title.

V

September 8, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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