V's Take

Dear V: My neighbors are really into kinky PDA…

Dear V, 

I just moved in to my new apartment near campus and something strange happened. I looked out my window, and I saw my neighbors having sex. They were up against their window! And, I mean, they’re attractive enough, it’s just really uncomfortable when I come home from a long day at school to have to see that. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about this, and this is just a constant reminder of my lack of a love life. Do I approach them? Do I call my landlord? What if I see these people around school? PLEASE HELP.

Sincerely,

Blue Ball Brian

 

Dear Peeping Tom,

People pay good money for porn – you should be happy you’re getting a live show for free.

If we’ve learned anything from marathon-watching “Friends,” you should know that you should enjoy this while it lasts, these people will inevitably get older and, chances are, fatter. Granted, you probably won’t be living in that apartment that long, but the lesson you should take from this is to bask in knowing that you’re paying for basic cable while getting a free peep show.

As far as approaching them … don’t. These people know they’re on display, no one has sex in front a window for privacy. Let them get their kinks, just because you’re in the middle of a dry spell doesn’t mean you have to ruin everyone else’s fun.

The reason you’re so obsessed with this is because you’re secretly enjoying it – don’t lie. You probably get home and watch them for a little bit before you decide it’s too weird and close your blinds. Oh, and by the way, if you don’t want to see it, you should probably close your blinds. Or if you don’t have those, invest in some curtains.

There are more than 400,000 people living in the city of Miami. The chance that these two are University of Miami students is slim.

Do yourself a favor and stop whining about your love life – a watched pot never boils.

V

September 4, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Jesus Luzardo had yet to throw a single pitch as a professional baseball player in 2016 when he unde ...

Former Miami Hurricanes quarterback Robert Marve has been arrested in Hillsborough County on an out- ...

Mark Richt has led the Miami Hurricanes back into the national college football conversation during ...

University of Miami coach Mark Richt and his vaunted 2018 signing class, nicknamed #Storm18, should ...

Part four of a five-part series on UM’s defense with the start of fall camp a month away: Cornerback ...

A School of Communication associate professor played an important hand—an artistic one!—in World Cup ...

University of Miami law and political science professors weigh in on Trump’s SCOTUS nominee. ...

Research bioclimatologists with the UM Synoptic Climatology Lab counsel cities on how to manage risi ...

A UM-led study is examining how children’s play behavior at beaches could impact their health. ...

Political polarization, distrust in fact-based knowledge and verbal targeting may be fueling the ons ...

University of Miami head volleyball coach Jose "Keno" Gandara announced the additions of K ...

Three-time CSCAA Honorable Mention All-American diver Wally Layland and two-time ITA All-American te ...

Miami head women's tennis coach Paige Yaroshuk-Tews announced Thursday the signing of two more ...

University of Miami head football coach Mark Richt was among the 20 coaches selected to the preseaso ...

Miami opens the Wooden Legacy against La Salle on Thanksgiving Day in Fullerton, Calif. ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.