Dear V

Dear V: My man’s requests are too much to swallow…

V ,

I can’t give my boyfriend another blowjob. His cum tastes weird to me. I have had great baby batter in the past, but my boyfriend has nasty sperm. I might breakup with him because I value the blowjob. What should I do?

Swallowing His Pride

 

Dear Deep Throat,

Well, for one as experienced as yourself, it sucks to realize that not everyone has the same delectability when it comes to a guy’s cum. Though frightening, this experience can help broaden your horizons and increase your sexual palette. Just like sushi or caviar, you’ll have to become acquainted with the sweet, the salty and – what you call – the weird.

I also feel that this could be a great opportunity to see sex for something other than a chance to venture into a man’s nether regions. While you may like the taste or the whole idea, it can be a distraction from what is really important. And no, I do not intend to make this a romanticized, ABC Family movie lesson where love always prevails.

We are sexual beings, and regardless of our feelings, we sometimes need a good, old-fashioned go-around! And by important, I mean using sex as a way to bond in whichever relationship you are practicing – whether monogamous or friends with benefits. You don’t know a person well until you’ve seen his manhood, right?

So, in the interest of your personal well-being and that of your growing relationship, it might be best to tell him. Let him know that you like to swallow, but it’s not working out. Try to break it to him after he’s watched his favorite show, had a couple of drinks and is waiting for the good stuff. You might be surprised.

While I normally don’t like to discuss politics, I’ve got to give props to Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” health campaign. She might just be the answer to saving your seductive craving with her new “My Plate,” which is like a food pyramid, but in the shape of a plate. Yeah, talk about genius.

Sperm taste and consistency is connected to what one eats. Does he constantly eat junk food, red meat or cabbage vegetables like cauliflower and broccoli? All of these can cause a salty or rotten taste. Help monitor his diet. Try swallowing after having various good meals with plenty of water. See if swallowing then becomes a sweeter time.

If the diet doesn’t work, the chunkiness could also be related to a lack of his personal upkeep: masturbation. Frequent bishop beatings lead to less of the nutrients that sperm need in their journey. If that’s your goal, then you might need to convince him to do both, but remind him to keep the jerking to a moderate level. We wouldn’t want him pleasing himself too often when he’s got you.

 

Best,

V

 

April 24, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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