Dear V

Dear V: It’s hell week for my boyfriend and me…

 Dear V,

My boyfriend is currently in the middle of hell week for his frat, and I’ve officially turned into a needy betch. Between his irregular schedule and my insane one, I haven’t been able to see him for more than five minutes in the past week. Not seeing him on a regular basis stresses me out and makes me even more upset, as if school didn’t kill me enough. I just want someone to talk to, snuggle with and f*ck. What do I do? How do I get my independence back?


Sad and Pathetic



Dear Melancholia,

You have perfectly listed the basic necessities for dating: talking, snuggling and f*cking. Every relationship at its core is nothing more than that dependable friend who can satisfy your social and biological needs.

The separation from this human parasite can feel drastic. But it shouldn’t mean the end of the Mayan calendar or Y2K. We can get through this together. I believe in you.

Let’s put everything into perspective. Your boyfriend’s hell week probably requires him to do some unsavory actions. Frats are not all unicorns and rainbows. Depending on the fraternity, he has probably made a trip to BT Gentlemen’s Club, streaked at the command of his leaders, and been forced to eat materials while blindfolded. Hey, it’s hell week so it’s supposed to feel as close to the belly of that demonic beast.

His hell week is your heaven week. You can take a break from all those terrible girlfriend duties like having sex at his every whim or listening to him about boring stuff like school, sports and his mom. Yes, it’s a “Mean Girls” quote. Sorry not sorry.

Your story reminds me of the TV show “Greek” that appeared on the ABC Family scene before “Switched at Birth” and “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” tanked the channel’s respect. “Greek’s” main sister found it difficult to balance school, her boyfriend and the sorority. But she learns that she will eventually graduate and none of this will matter.

So take a lesson from this instructional and unrealistic slice of American college life. What matters now only begins to scratch the surface on your overall life. Have fun, focus on your career and be open to new experiences.

Forget about your boy-toy and bask in the Miami sun in a worry-free stupor.


April 17, 2013



Advice Columnist

Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • Error

With the University of Miami season opener closing in, the next starting quarterback has yet to be n ...

The second fall scrimmage, closed to the media and public, is over. University of Miami coach Mark R ...

1. DOLPHINS: Fins any good? 'Dress rehearsal' may tell: Opening win, then lopsided loss. W ...

University of Miami linebacker Jamie Gordinier has had another unfortunate setback, effectively side ...

The calmest coach on the planet got mad Friday after football practice. University of Miami coach Ma ...

UM’s new chief academic officer holds some 40 patents, and in 2017 was inducted into the National Ac ...

University of Miami students and researchers are blogging during a month-long expedition in the Gulf ...

María de Lourdes Dieck-Assad, a world-renowned economist and former ambassador, fills a new role for ...

Through the U Dreamers Grant, DACA students find essential support as they pursue their college degr ...

UM students talk about their internships up north in a city that never sleeps. ...

RSS Error: A feed could not be found at A feed with an invalid mime type may fall victim to this error, or SimplePie was unable to auto-discover it.. Use force_feed() if you are certain this URL is a real feed.

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.