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Rambo’s College Survival Guide: Life after Netflix

Half way through Season 4 of Lost, I take a look around. I am in complete darkness, and I smell like I had been on the island for two months. The room was scattered with old Little Caesars’ boxes and decaying Taco Bell burritos. I couldn’t tell if my body had morphed into the bean bag on my floor due to not moving from it for over a week. This was worse than being stranded on an island from a plane crash. This was an addiction to Netflix.

I can’t really remember how it started. Maybe it was an episode or two of the The Office before I went to bed, or maybe it was the start of my Ryan Gossling man crush. The beginning all seems like a blur and now I can’t dig my way out.

The fact is that it’s way too easy to find what you want to watch. Back in the day you would have to get in your car, drive to Blockbuster and do two laps around the store (about 45 minutes if your fast) to pinpoint your choices to three movies because you didn’t want to spend more than 40 dollars. I think that, combined with the mile and a half long checkout line, is why people prefer to lay on their couch in their underwear with ice cream in one hand and a remote control that can do all of that in the other hand.

No intervention will work as the sounds of friends and family trying to help you out of this state will be drowned out by thoughts of actually becoming a zombie and watching the entire series of The Walking Dead … in one sitting. There is only one way to break this addiction. Take away Netflix completely and make the addict rely on basic cable and actual movie theaters to get their entertainment fix. There is no doubt relapsing will occur, and they will try and illegally download whatever their so-called smart phone can handle. If they beg for a Hulu subscription, politely break their computer into two pieces.

Once you are hooked you need to have another fix. One season in a series isn’t enough, one documentary leads to another, and it will never end. It’s a lethal drug that can come in the form of sitcoms, horror films and the most potent, romantic comedies. The more you watch, the more you want to watch. Symptoms include smelling due to not bathing, getting fired from your job and blood shot eyes.

Netflix is an overdose of entertainment that has to be handled with caution. Only if you are master of your domain should you be allowed to take on the responsibility of the monthly subscription. If not, I’ll see you at the movie theatre where 10-dollar tickets and 12-dollar popcorn is the norm. Yes, my parents cancelled my Netflix.

Kyle Rambo can’t decide on what he wants to major in so he takes out his frustration on the people that read his writing. He spends most of his time dunking Oreos in milk and watching old ’90s sitcom reruns. The only thing he likes more than complaining is his gel-filled hair.

Rambo’s College Survival Guide is a blog meant to save the student population from all the horrors that come with being a college student. As with this blog, never take life too seriously.

March 22, 2013

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Kyle Rambo


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