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Rambo’s College Survival Guide: Did he really just text me that? A guideline to texting in 2013

“Yoooooo.”

Everyone has been a victim of this text. In the year 2013, it is unacceptable to fall into the disturbing social skills that make this generation less and less appealing. That may have been a little dramatic, but that doesn’t mean we can’t class it up a little bit.

Stop wondering why that girl you like won’t text you back when you send her the message “wat up” 15 times. This followed by a “u there” with a winky face is not as appealing as the only girl in your life, Siri, says it is. Maybe even worse than the overly inappropriate seductive first message is the way too casual, “heyy.” This shows that you really have nothing to say, and there will probably be annoying vague questions asked by you after that. No one has the energy to babel on about how their day was through text, and if they do, you don’t want anything to do with her.

Sending her a picture with your shirt off or any other part of your body exposed is prohibited unless you are Brett Favre. Never ask a girl if she wants to go out with you by writing it across your abs and then sending her a picture. I had to find this out the hard way. A different result may occur if you are Ryan Gossling. If your relationship with a girl is only through text, you are in a worse place then the friend zone. You are in the instant message zone. Those smiley faces and little heart symbols only mean so much.

Men should only have texting conversations with other men in certain situations. When a party meets the awesome qualifications a bro must provide the words “crazy party bro!!!!” (exclamation marks necessary), followed by an address. Any other additional words will be frowned upon and will make the party less legit. The only other reason to text another man is to make fun of a man who sends the letters LOL to another man, even if you are laughing out loud. And if you are, you are a girl.

Once your parents stop paying for your phone bill, texting them must also stop. As mean as that sounds, it’s not, just talk to your parents on the phone. Or just do like I do and send them an email once a month letting them know you’re studying instead of partying (I’m not), and you didn’t waste all your financial aid on a spring break cruise and a subscription to eHarmony (I did). Texting gives parents an excuse to always keep in contact, so stick to the “you paid for my college, so I’ll Skype with you once a week” obligation.

Texting is a language. If you do not learn it properly it will be like trying to order a hamburger at the McDonalds in Kendall without knowing Spanish. You will end up with some Fish McBites with a side of yogurt. When in doubt never text “k” or “yes.” You will forever be a texting jerk. So just ignore the text like I always do. For some reason my phone is always dying, at least that’s what they think. ;)

Kyle Rambo can’t decide on what he wants to major in so he takes out his frustration on the people that read his writing. He spends most of his time dunking Oreos in milk and watching old ’90s sitcom reruns. The only thing he likes more than complaining is his gel-filled hair.

Rambo’s College Survival Guide is a blog meant to save the student population from all the horrors that come with being a college student. As with this blog, never take life too seriously.

March 3, 2013

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Kyle Rambo


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