Opinion

Hair gel, duck faces aren’t in style

While watching any high school Disney channel movie, you will often see an older character with a popped collar, 14 ounces of gel in his hair and an ego the size of the entire “Jersey Shore” cast. This is the stereotypical college douchebag.

He will probably drive a foreign sports car and throw an obnoxiously big party while his parents are away. Then he will attempt – and fail – to steal the pretty, good girl away from a guy who wouldn’t dare cheat on his math test. If I have just described what you do, there is no saving you.

Just because you are unable to pay for a Mercedes doesn’t mean you are not a jerk. Money has nothing to do with it. It’s how you use what you have. If you own Ray Bans and wear them every day religiously, you are a douche. It does not matter how much you think you look like Ryan Gosling in them, no one is allowed to wear sunglasses to their 8 p.m. class.

As long as most of your outfits don’t resemble The Situation or Kanye West, you should be good. You shouldn’t have any Ed Hardy shirts in your closet. Burn them along with your cologne-dipped Abercrombie polo now.

If there are any pictures of you on social media making a duck face or flexing your arm covered in a sleeve of dragon tattoos, please remove them. You must treat the art of social networking correctly. Using your Instagram to post every food, drink and illegal substance that enters your body is also unacceptable.

Girls are not excluded from this. If you own a tiny dog and carry it around in an overly branded handbag while wearing glasses that are bigger than your face and make disgusted looks at every guy that holds the door for you, then you fall into this unfortunate category.

The time has come to stop listening to John Mayer. Delete your TiVO-recorded stand up specials of Dane Cook. Your days of wearing extra-low-cut V-necks and hitting on girls at the library are over.

 

Kyle Rambo is a junior majoring in education. 

February 27, 2013

About Author

Kyle Rambo


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Myron Rolle is ready to take his game from the football field to the operating table. Those precious ...

University of Miami middle linebacker Shaquille Quarterman’s ultimate goal has always been the same: ...

Just one glance at Brad Kaaya throwing passes Tuesday after the University of Miami’s first spring f ...

Yes, the Hurricanes’ uncertainty at quarterback has created some uneasiness, as Mark Richt told me r ...

Senior guards Adrienne Motley and Jessica Thomas sat slumped over on the Watsco Center floor late Mo ...

A conversation with Belén Garijo and Felicia Marie Knaul. ...

Nova Southeastern University’s Jacqueline A. Travisano will be UM’s Executive Vice President for Bus ...

U.S. Trust will provide advisory services for UM’s long-term growth portfolio. ...

Sir James Galway, Distinguished Presidential Scholar, inspires flute students with his artistry and ...

Activist and community organizer Alicia Garza stresses the need for a richness of ideas to help solv ...

Miami travels to Louisville, Ky., Sunday at noon to face No. 34 Louisville at the Bass-Rudd Tennis C ...

Briadam Herrera continued his sparkling postseason run Friday at the IU Natatorium, finishing as the ...

The Hurricanes will welcome a talented field of teams to Cobb Stadium for the second of three home m ...

The No. 37 Miami women's tennis team fell to Boston College, 6-1, Friday afternoon at the Flynn ...

The Miami Hurricanes dropped their series opener to No. 8 North Carolina Friday afternoon at Boshame ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly on Thursdays during the regular academic year.