V's Take

Dear V: My boyfriend had a grimy grinding adventure…

V,

I went to a South Beach club this Friday and saw my boyfriend grinding on some skank. I couldn’t believe that he did that. He had told me that he wasn’t going out that night. We had just started going out two months ago, and everything seemed fine. Why did he have to lie to me? Should I approach him or break up with him without an explanation?

Club Catastrophe

Dear I Can’t Believe It’s Not Cheating,

The South Beach tragedy repeats itself year after year without fail. Budding couples begins to blossom and then succumb to temptations like happy hours and ladies’ nights. Both guys and girls are guilty of this, so I’m not implying that one is more responsible than the other.
Your story sounds vague because “grinding” can simply mean dancing or blowing off some steam. I can’t say it was a douche move without evidence of a break-up, an argument or problems in the bedroom. However, it sounds like he would rather make new friends than spend time with you and work out any potential problems.
The greater issue here, however, is that you have to define your relationship. This does not mean telling each other to go “steady.” You need to make sure that you’re clear about the limitations and the extent of whatever you’re attempting to accomplish. Two months is the magic moment to have this conversation. You’re starting to get serious but haven’t started looking for apartments and a welcome mat.
If you don’t have this conversation, then he will be confused about how seriously to treat you. One day, it’s South Beach. He’ll then soon be heading to Vegas, and, unable to win because of his bad stroke of luck, he’ll resort to cheap strip clubs. His remorse will lead him to break up with you because he can’t stand the guilt.
Or he may have enjoyed the grittiness and permanently move over there. The latter has a 29.3 percent success rate, according to my unofficial surveys.
I also recommend learning his interests. Maybe he cares about you, but he enjoys the club scene and experience so much that he is not ready to leave it. Buy a few glow sticks, get bright clothing, and learn to dance without any concern for sleep. The two of you can spend time together, and he won’t have to leave his comfort zone.
By the way, if he is grinding here, I can’t wait to see what happens at Ultra.

V

February 10, 2013

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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