The Rat – You are going to see and be seen. Forget tables at LIV, you know the real prime real estate is a mahogany glider at the Rat after your 11 a.m. class. You are territorial and believe that having no less than your entire pledge class safeguarding your new domain may result in its commandeering. Raybans or die.
Starbucks – You are dedicated. Undeterred by a line that is never any shorter than 40 people deep, you have what it takes to make it to giving the barista your order. Shameless, you are willing to risk having to walk into your class five minutes late holding that venti latte tall and proud.
Niko’s – You don’t take things too literally. Salad doesn’t have to mean salad. It can mean piece of bread with melted cheese sprinkled with lettuce and you’re okay with that.
Salsarita’s – You are tall. You are definitely taller than the 6-foot glass that makes conversation with the Salsarita’s worker inaudible. If you can get from ordering your tortilla down the counter to the guacamole topping without being told to “speak up” five times, you have a voice that knows no laws of sound waves.
Mango and Manny’s – You are a babycakes. Or a pookie or a sweetheart and you like to be told so when your chicken chop is rung up.
Oasis Cafe – You’ll never forget where you came from. Displaced from a life privileged with bagel places and delis coming a dime a dozen, you’ve tried desperately to recreate that here. Like those who came before you, you will sit down with your accounting study guide and roast beef sandwich on rye bread. Shout out to the BBQ ranch salad I’ve had for my last 500 lunches from Jackie from New York.
Wendy’s – You are ballin’ on a budget. Just $6 for a 15-course meal? A value no price-conscious food-court-goer can walk away from.
Panda Express – You live by the saying “when in Rome.” When in the food court, you want the most quintessential food court destination known to malls across the nation. You want a place that has a name and menu that are an insult to the cuisine it tries to replicate with its chemistry lab-made poison.
Sushi Maki – You are trendy. Traditional food court cuisine just doesn’t do it for you. You enjoy your bubble tea and try not to think about how you are eating raw fish from a food court.
Jackie Salo is majoring in journalism and political science since she couldn’t find a job as a froyo taste tester. She has won numerous awards including the prestigious Chai Center Hebrew School Perfect Attendance Award 2004. Follow Jackie on Twitter at @GoodInsanity.
As Told by Jackie is a blog that chronicles all of Jackie’s latest grievances that result from not being able to sleep 28 hours a day.
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