Dear V

Dear V: Closed legs, but an open relationship

My boyfriend and I have been in an open relationship for two months now, but I never use my opportunity to hook up with other people. My boyfriend is bisexual, and he always describes his experiences with various girls. I can’t stand this, and I always get jealous and frustrated when I hear about his other experiences. Should I give up on this relationship or call him out?



The jealous boyfriend


Dear Wish That Was Me,


Why in the world would you agree to an open relationship if you’re not going to use it properly?!  He’s basically using you so that he always has someone to hook up with without limiting himself to just you, and that is in no way fair.

So grow some balls and tell him you’re upset, or start having sex with other people, too.

If given the chance to mess around and you still stick to just him, an open relationship isn’t for you.   It sounds like the longer you stay in it as open, the more you’ll get hurt. So get out, or get serious.

This isn’t some cheesy romantic comedy.  He’s not going to appear with flowers after you’ve gotten upset and tell you how much he loves you and how you were the only one who ever meant anything.  You’re not Jennifer Aniston.

But given the fact that he keeps mentioning his other hookups, maybe he wants you to get jealous. Maybe he’s just testing you to see if you care. So tell him how you feel.  It is an open relationship after all, so be open.

It won’t magically fix everything. Contrary to popular belief, I’m no miracle worker.  But if you two spend a little more time talking about feelings and a little less time hooking up, things might start to turn in your favor.

So don’t give up on it without talking first.  Jealousy means you really like him, so give it a shot before kicking him to the curb.  The worst that could happen is he decides not to get serious and you’re given the chance to find another guy who will actually treat you properly.

Oh, I guess that doesn’t sound so bad after all.

Also, if your boyfriend is hooking up with “various girls,” I might want to get “various STD tests.”



November 7, 2012



Advice Columnist

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