Dear V

Dear V: I’d like to phone a different friend…

Dear V,

I have a friend who can’t get off without calling someone. Yeah, this sounds weird. But basically, she gets off on the fact that someone is hearing her do the dirty. I’ve gotten a few calls myself and I want it to stop. How do I address this situation?  

Sincerely,
Screening my calls

 

Dear Booty Call Butt-Dial,

Easiest solution – don’t pick up your phone when she calls you.  If you stop answering (and therefore stop hearing her), she’ll eventually stop calling.

Let her know, though.  Clearly this is making you uncomfortable, and as your friend, she should respect your boundaries. Also, you must be at least a little freaky if you’re friends with her.  Therefore, you both probably know a few people who would love to hear her moaning over the telephone, but if you’re not one of these sex fiends, you need to make that clear.

If she doesn’t get the message, return the favor.  Call her up while you’re getting down, make sure you’re extra loud, and see how she feels.  Just because she gets off to someone hearing her doesn’t mean she gets off to hearing other people. Although this may have the reverse effect and just take these calls to a whole different level: FaceTime?

But her bringing you into her bedroom, without consent, isn’t fair.  It isn’t fair to anyone she’s calling, and I’m sure you are not alone.  Ask around.  If others also tell your friend that you guys are tired of these dirty phone calls, maybe it will turn her off and she’ll stop.  Maybe she can find something else that helps get her get off.  I’ve heard handcuffs are making a comeback.

You could also hand her a list of sex hotlines. There are plenty of operators waiting, and they’d be much more willing to listen to your friend climax than you will – at leat they’re getting paid.

You shouldn’t be sacrificing your comfort for your friend’s orgasm when you could be spending that time off the phone and having one of your own. Seems like you could use one with all that action going on around you.

 

V

October 3, 2012

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