Dear V

Dear V: When the sun comes up, she shoots me down…

Dear V,

I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago, and so I’ve started going clubbing a lot with some of my friends. I meet a girl, we dance, and things are going good. I get their numbers, sometimes they get mine, but the next morning, they ignore me after a few texts or just completely. What’s gives? Why do girls give out their numbers if they’re not going to be interested anymore later on?


What’s up with the ladies?

Dear More Attractive Through Drunk Goggles,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, so don’t shoot the messenger, but they were never interested. They were probably just drunk.
I’m sure you know the feeling. You see a girl across the club, and she’s HOT. But you’ve also had a bit too much to drink. And the next day, when you are chatting it up with your bros about how you almost got with a really attractive girl, they tell you the truth. She may have looked like a 9 drunk, but she was definitely a 4 at best. And your friends had to stop you from taking her home.
Well, my friend, you are that 4 at best. And her friends stopped her from going home with you. Because friends don’t let friends get with 4’s.
Your Armani Exchange outfit and your blow-out hair looked sexy after several rounds of shots, but your girl’s “sober sister” was unfortunately there to save the day.
But perhaps V is being too generous. Maybe you’re not even attractive when girls are shitfaced. Maybe she just gave you her number so you would buy her another drink. And she gave you her real number because she felt bad.
Pity numbers aside, you really should stop looking for love in as hopeless a place as a club. You’re not Rihanna. Girls aren’t dressing up in skimpy, tight black dresses and wearing heels so tall not even a drag queen can walk in them so that they can find Prince Charming. Girls just wanna have fun! That’s all they really want.
What you need to do is start going places where other 4’s hang out. Like Richter. Or Cox. Or the Engineering School. That way, when you and a girl exchange numbers, there won’t be the buyer’s remorse hangover you’ve been falling victim to the next day.
But in all seriousness, like I always tell people who are having trouble finding love, stop looking. Love will find you.
That, or you could try to find someone who spends a little bit too much time at the Rat and might not ever sober up enough for you to stop spinning long enough to realize what you really look like.

I’m sure they have a 1-900 number you could text for your enjoyment?


April 12, 2012


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