Dear V

Dear V: Does little Willy have a little willy?

Dear V,

This is super embarrassing, and I think I already know what your response is going to be, but I just need the pep talk. I’ve never really done much of anything with a girl, and it’s not because I haven’t had the chance. Things get going and we begin making out, but I just can’t go past that. I’m too embarrassed that she’s going to judge the size of what I’m packing. It’s probably nothing really to be worried about, but I’m really self-conscious about it. How do I get over this?


Sheepish about the size of my endowment


Dear Lil Guy,

Listen, if you’re going to let the size of your little fellow stop you from getting any action ever, you’re just going to continue to worry about it and you’ll never get over it. It’s the motion of the ocean, not the size of the boat.

OK, maybe that’s a lie. Girls might say they don’t care about the size of what you have to offer, but let’s be honest, they do. But if you’re using the porn you look at as a barometer for what is normal, you’re going to have a completely off-kilter idea of what is an acceptable size.

By most studies, the average erect penis is only around six inches. And that means that 50 percent of guys are above that, but it also means that 50 percent of guys are smaller than that. Four or five may not be your ideal, but it’s not your fault. Blame your parents.

Sure, you can try to change it, but no spam email telling you that you can grow a few extra inches is telling you the truth. All you can really do is come to terms with the fact that you have a small penis. That sucks, but the sooner you can look yourself in the mirror and say, “I have a small penis and I’m OK with that,” the sooner you can begin to enjoy sex. Focus on the things that you do like about your manhood.

Most importantly, stop with the embarrassment. Plenty of people with insecurities of less-than-ideal features have gone on to have great sex lives. The proof is in the number of unattractive people that were produced by probably less than attractive parents.

Of course you might end up getting called things like “Small Dick McGee” or “About As Hung As a Squirrel.” But the people saying those things are probably just jealous that you’re getting laid and they aren’t. Or they actually have a penis that’s bigger than a baby carrot.

Just suck it up and get over yourself already,


March 28, 2012


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