Dear V

Dear V: How many guys will fit in my bed?

Dear V,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and have gotten very close with his guy friends. We always joked about having a “gang bang,” but he doesn’t know I am secretly hoping it will happen. Am I a slut because I want to experiment? How can I initiate this without my boyfriend thinking I’m weird? I just want to experiment a little in college. Will it be awkward with his friends afterward?

Curious and Horny

Dear How Many Holes You Got?

Sounds to V like you weren’t joking when you told your man you wanted every orifice filled at once. And maybe even twice. And my guess is that if you two have “joked” about it a lot, maybe neither was he. I think it’s secretly many guys’ dreams to be part of a gang bang. If it wasn’t, there wouldn’t be porn with six guys standing around a single girl showering her with their gifts.

The real question is the one you proposed. How do you make it happen? You could just ask.

“Hey, honey. You wanna see if Justin, Mike, Danny, Evan, Nick, David, Matt, Jake and Tom all want to bang me at once with you? I bet it’d be hot.”

If you’re feeling particularly ballsy, ask him in front of them. But make sure you have plenty of condoms and lube ready.

Don’t degrade yourself by thinking you’re a slut for wanting to try something new in the bedroom. A slut is someone who has sex with lots of different guys separately.

You’re a sexually-liberated female who just happens to want to express her freedom by having 13 guys pin her down at once in an orgy that might involve chains. Sounds pretty liberated to me.

Sure, it might be a tad bit awkward after. I can’t say I’ve ever had pillow talk with 19 people in the bed. Mostly because I don’t have a bed that big. But when all of you wake up the next morning, you’ll be the luckiest girl this side of Brickell.

Of course, it might get messy. But you’re a crowd pleaser. You’ll be that girl on “Maury” waiting for the paternity test results with 27 potential baby-daddies around her. And trust me, mamma will be proud.

All my cruel swipes at you aside, you should go for it if you want to. You’re only young enough once for your body to be resilient and horny enough to take that hard of a pounding from 34 guys at once. Your boyfriend is crazy if he’s not hard pressed about the idea.

Open wide!


March 21, 2012


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