Dear V

Dear V: Is my virginity to blame for my boyfriend-lessness?

Dear V,
I really messed things up. My boyfriend of four months and I broke up over the weekend and I can’t help but feel that it’s my fault. Despite his requests, we never once had sex. It’s something I always have planned on saving for marriage, and he knew that, but I wonder now if he might have stayed with me had we done the deed. It’s probably all my fault just because I was too prude. What’s a girl to do?

Sincerely,

Lonely and Sexless

Dear Mother Teresa,

Contrary to popular belief, shagging sadly can’t always fix everything. In fact, it usually just makes things worse. Just ask Bill Clinton next time he’s on campus.
The fact of the matter is that your boyfriend probably didn’t leave you because of how tightly closed you had your legs. I’m sure he had a better reason. Like the fact that you seem to blame yourself for things that really aren’t your fault. Guys don’t break up with their girlfriends over an unused condom he got from the Health Center the last time he was in there getting tested. That’s why they cheat.
You couldn’t have changed anything by sleeping with your ex-beau. Sure, it may have delayed his leaving you for a few weeks, but in the end, the result would have been the same. Stop blaming yourself. Even if you had purposefully taken a needle to that condom, he still would have only stuck around to pay the child support.
I think what you need to remember is that you stuck by your principles. And that’s respectable. Sure, your principles involve having a dusty vagina while mine involve a different person every night, but at least we aren’t just talking the talk. We are walking the walk. Even if only one of us is doing the walk of shame. Try picking up a guy at a religious event and you may just find someone who shares your same intercourse-less values. Or at least one who will put up with them.
If you’re that worried about it, learn how to booty call. It’s a pretty easy process. Get out your phone and let him know all the dirty things you want to do with his favorite appendage. Just make sure you don’t try to use your promise ring as a cock ring.

Wipe out the cobwebs first!

V

February 22, 2012

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