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25 January 2012

Dear V: My boyfriend wants to add others into the mix…

Dear V, 

My boyfriend has been trying to get me to join some swingers club that one of his friends belongs to. I don’t know a lot about it, I just know that the concept is for us to have sex with multiple couples, which I am not interested in. He’s been insisting on it for a while, and I have to be honest, I haven’t asserted my position like I should have, so he hasn’t really let up. Honestly, my feelings are hurt. Aren’t I good enough for him? Why does he have to join some disgusting sex club, who knows where those people have been if they’re willing to do that?

Sharing is not always caring

 

Dear Hillary Clinton,

Your boyfriend has the opportunity to join a swingers club, so why doesn’t he say no? Because he’s a guy. Next question…

I’m just joshing. I understand your complaint; it is a little off-putting that he insists on having sex with a bunch of other people right to your face. I know you’re not going to do it, and I respect you for that, but if he won’t take the hint, you need to tell him up front that it’s not an option. There really isn’t any other advice I can give you, but just out of curiosity, let’s explore this “swingers club.”

First of all, swingers clubs are usually for 40-year-olds who have been married 15 years and no longer have a spark in their relationship. It seems odd to me that your boyfriend, who I (perhaps incorrectly) assume is younger, knows someone in one. I would check on the ages of these other members because you might have been one “yes” away from shacking up with Abe Vigota.

The second thing about swingers clubs is, a lot of times you not only swing between guys and girls … but some times, girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they’re girls who do girls like they’re boys, if you catch my drift. I’m not sure if you’re a switch hitter, but I can guarantee if you join, someone will proposition you, and lord help you if you say “no” but your man’s answer is a little different – that will be an awkward conversation in the morning.

Your final point is a good one, and I’m not talking about you alone being “good enough” for him. We all know that not just one person is good enough for anyone, but he should at least pretend. What I’m talking about is how grimy these people in the swingers clubs are. You’ll probably see STDs that haven’t been around since the troops came home after Vietnam. Some of these STDs will literally “love you long time,” and STDs aren’t like Pokemon,: there’s no need to “catch ‘em all.” In closing, stand tall and tell your boyfriend to suck it, you don’t need the problems that come with belonging to these clubs.

By the way, tell your parents we’re still on for this weekend,

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.