Dear V,
When it comes to guys, I’ve always been the type of girl who goes for what she wants. I’ve never been the type to sit back and wait. Although this has been my MO for as long as I remember, I’m starting to get tired of constantly chasing and wish that I could be the one pursued for a change! I have a friend who I could maybe see a future with and have always had chemistry with, but the problem is that he is the textbook definition of passive aggressive when it comes to these things, which completely turns me off. I’m not saying that I need a juicehead gorilla, but I want someone who’s somewhat aggressive and will make the first move for once! Is it so wrong of me to want a guy who’s willing to go after what he wants?
Ms. Never Passive
Dear Post-Coitus Praying Mantis,
I don’t think your desire is unreasonable; after all, it’s no secret that most women desire a man who’s at least somewhat masculine. Sure, the sensitive guy persona has been all the rage in the past decade, but when push comes to shove (literally), even girls with Bieber Fever want their man to show he’s not going to get kicked around (just ask the security detail at the Macy’s in New York City).
The pursuit that you’re talking about is part of most male’s masculinity; it’s rising as an alpha male and taking what you want. Passive-aggressiveness is not masculine at all. As a matter of fact, passive-aggressiveness is one of the most cowardly qualities anyone can have and what’s truly sad is that some people are proud of their passive-aggressiveness.
Passive-aggressiveness is used as a response when you’re not brave enough to say what’s actually on your mind. They can call it clever and claim they’re getting the last laugh all they want, but the truth is they’re too weak to stand by what they believe so they invent a way to claim they’re being cunning when they’re just being a wimp.
I’m not necessarily indicting the guy you’re talking about because there are other reasons he could be passive-aggressive. Sometimes being coy is an effective way to charm a woman to take interest in you, but you’re clearly not the type for that. Try toning down your aggressiveness; maybe go from a Tom Berenger (10) to a Tom Selleck (5). If you act less aggressive, he might elevate from a Woody Allen (1) to the “Jesse Stone” level, so there will be a perfect harmony between you. If that doesn’t work, you might need to spell it out for him because some people aren’t the conquering type. But let’s hope he finally hops in the driver’s seat…
…and let‘s pray he drives better than Vince Neil,
V
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