Dear V

Dear V: My boyfriend wants to switch lanes…

Dear V,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than a year now, and we have a very healthy, loving relationship. He treats me like a princess, and I love him with all of my heart, but he’s recently been asking me to do something that I don’t want to do. I don’t know how to say this, but he wants to umm … drive his car the wrong way down a one-way street. It’s not like he’s pressuring me too much, but it’s something he’s brought up more than once. I don’t really want to do it, but I want to make him happy. Our sex life is great, at least I think, do you think maybe he doesn’t think so? Why do guys like to do that anyway? Isn’t it kind of gay?

I’ll do anything for love, but I won’t do that

 

Dear Fresh Fish,

I’ve never understood why many heterosexual guys want to have anal sex so badly, but you’re right, to many of them it is the ultimate achievement. Your sex life is probably fine, and I think most men prefer vaginal intercourse, but exploring social taboos has enticed the minds of humans for centuries. It’s like watching “Two Girls, One Cup.” Before you’ve seen it, everyone warns you not to watch it; most refuse to even tell you what it is. You constantly hear, “Don’t watch it, save yourself the horror,” and you can’t help wondering if it’s really as bad as they say it is. This curiosity builds until finally you watch it, then you realize that you should have just listened to everyone and saved yourself the mental scarring.

I know you love him and want to make him happy, but that doesn’t mean that’s the only thing you should consider when making this decision. Watching stupid action movies with him, listening to music that he likes but you don’t; these are things you do to make your boyfriend happy, not letting him ramrod your poop shoot. Tell him to go get a prostate exam and see if he still wants to do it. After all, you’re the one that’s going to feel it the most, so you might as well educate him on what it feels like.

You mention the gay thing, and I do find it ironic that all of these guys want to do anal with their girls, and then act like gay sex is disgusting. An anus, for the most part, is an anus, and while I’m no expert in anatomy, it seems to me like it’s about the same thing. You should ask your boyfriend how eager he is to let you use a strap-on.

If you want to try something new and make him happy, go for it; if you don’t, then explain to him that it’s out of the question. I’ve never heard of any guy ditching his girlfriend because she won’t do anal. The worst thing that will happen is he’ll occasionally bitch about it, and you should be able to take that after a year together (since you won’t take the other thing).

Homework Assignment: Look up what a “Pink Sock” is,

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.

October 19, 2011

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