Dear V

Dear V: Somebody call the wahhh-mbulance

V,

Well, first off, I’m a guy. But every time I go out with my friends to see a depressing movie or listen to a sappy song, I do something unusual (and seriously annoying) for a grown man: I cry like a baby. I’m super embarrassed by my lack of masculinity, but it’s like I have no control of my tear ducts. My friends even bought me a 6-pack of tissue boxes – not beer – for my 21st birthday. I try to play off the sensitivity card, but this is getting pathetic. Is there something biologically wrong with me? Or am I just a depressed mess?

Sincerely,
The Waterboy

 

Dear Jon Cryer,

It’s okay for a guy to cry once in a while, but if you blubber like a baby in your room every time you hear “I Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues” by Elton John, you should probably try to get a hold of yourself. Men tend to put masculinity on too high of a pedestal, but bawling in front of a bunch of people is embarrassing for you and makes everyone around you a bit uncomfortable.
I know professional wrestling is “still real to [you]dammit,” but like that guy in the viral video, take a step back and ask yourself, “Why the hell am I crying right now?” And you don’t know Britney Spears personally, maybe she did something awful in her life and all of that media scrutiny was punishment for it.
Don’t worry too much about your friends. It’s their job to make fun of your weaknesses, that’s what friends do. They still love you, so there’s no need for you to make that piercing screech, reminiscent of two cats mating, every time you watch the ending to “Marley and Me” (I know its sad, but come on man, didn’t you see it coming?).
You ought to know if you’re depressed or not. Remember, I’m not a licensed physician (in this country), so I can’t diagnose you with anything, but you’re probably just one of those guys who’s a little more sensitive than others. I would try to limit your crying as much as you can to save your own ego, but at the end of the day you’re not hurting anyone. Just find something your friends do that you can make fun of, like them being sociopaths. As long as you’re not huddled alone in your bed with a teddy bear, you’re probably not too emotionally unbalanced.

Just used “Jon Cryer” for the pun, I’m not suggesting you’re a closeted homosexual,

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.

October 12, 2011

Reporters


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Miami coach Jim Larranaga and his staff spent recent practices pushing his players to whip the ball ...

The University of Miami confirmed in a written release Sunday that starting cornerback Malek Young s ...

In 2016, the Miami Hurricanes had tight end David Njoku, who went in the first round of the 2017 NFL ...

Four days had passed since his University of Miami basketball team squandered a 13-point second half ...

The Miami Hurricanes’ search for offensive line help is set to continue on the weekend of Jan. 26, w ...

Presidents at three higher education institutions in Miami "lend our unified voices” to the cal ...

Thirty high school English teachers from Brazil are spending six weeks at UM in a new skill-building ...

Global and local efforts needed to respond to biological threats, UM President Julio Frenk warned at ...

As artificial Intelligence takes hold, tech visionary David Kenny stresses keeping human values in t ...

UM’s First Black Graduates Project committee visits an iconic D.C. museum for inspiration to create ...

Bruce Brown Jr. scored 19 points leading Miami to victory over NC State in Raleigh. ...

The University of Miami women's basketball team picked up its third straight win in eight days ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team (1-2) closed out its opening weekend with a 5-2 loss ...

With the help of dominating victories and dramatic comebacks, No. 19 Miami finished the day with an ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team (1-1) returns to action on Sunday, as it travels to N ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.