Dear V

Dear V: Two heads may be better than one…

Dear V,

I started to like this girl whom I’m very close to. Unfortunately, I’m reluctant to seriously date her. You see, the problem is there is another girl who my heart belongs to, or at least used to. I’m afraid that if I see the two side-by-side – which is very likely, seeing as they will be both be in attendance at my events – I will “cheat” on the girl I want to ask out now with the girl I used to love nearby. I don’t want to do wrong by this new girl and I certainly want to be with her, but I fear my own actions.

Sincerely,

Stuck in a Rut

 

Dear Hugh Hefner,

What are your “events?” Are these frat parties, student activities or are you opening up for Sinbad at The Apollo? I guess it doesn’t matter. Anyway, I can understand your conundrum, and, since this isn’t 1850 and you aren’t Brigham Young, you’re going to have to make a choice.

First off, which girl likes you more – in other words, which one is more likely to go out of her way to spend time with you? If you still don’t know the answer, text both of them at the same time with the same text and see which one replies first. Yes, there are variables which may interfere with their ability to text back, but think of it as divine providence.

This choice is never easy to make and it isn’t easy to give advice for. Ask people who know both of them which one they think is a better match for you, how am I supposed to know?

I know your preferences and these girls’ personalities about as well as Washington knows how to come up with a federal budget (although I can tell you that any girl is probably going to raise your debt ceiling). As long as you’re not committed to either, you’re not cheating on anyone; you’re just trying to figure out what’s best for you. If either one of them cared about you, they would recognize that.

As far as “fearing [your]actions” goes, I wouldn’t worry much about it. If Charlie Sheen doesn’t fear any of his actions, then you certainly shouldn’t. I would imagine you’re not railing blow out of stripper cleavage.

If you like the new girl, go with her. If that leads to you becoming ritually unclean, then so be it, but at least try to have some willpower.

Anyway, figure it out, Fonzie. You have two girls that you can pick from, think of how many poor schmucks don’t have any (Carrot Top). If you still can’t make a decision then take them both and move to Waco, Texas, just don’t let the ATF or the FBI find out.

 

Send me a video of the impending catfight (better be in HD),

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.

September 11, 2011

Reporters


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

1. MARLINS: Jeter's Fish trade Gordon. Stanton next?: While others spend -- like the Angels to ...

A six-pack of Hurricanes notes on a Thursday: ▪ With the first ever early signing period just two we ...

University of Miami coach Mark Richt and Wisconsin coach Paul Chryst sat on a stage poolside at the ...

Former pro wrestler and promoter The Tennessee Stud Ron Fuller was interviewed by Ryan K. Boman of T ...

The University of Miami has its future quarterback. Jarren Williams, a consensus four-star, dual-thr ...

Graduating with Comedic Timing ...

The top graduate from UM's School of Education and Human Development shines in the classroom. ...

Students in University of Miami’s School of Communication’s Orange Umbrella Student Consultancy garn ...

Through its new Leadership UMiami program, the Butler Center for Service and Leadership is empowerin ...

A Biomedical Engineering Major and campus leader, Sterlie Achille involved herself in many activitie ...

Hurricanes earn highest ranking since March 2013. ...

Walker IV recorded a career-high 26 points, seven rebounds in the win over Boston U. ...

The University of Miami women's basketball team earned an impressive 65-54 win over No. 20/23 K ...

After its longest break of the season thus far, the University of Miami women's basketball team ...

Miami senior wide receiver Braxton Berrios, a double major in finance and entrepreneurship, was name ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.