Dear V

Dear V: I’m tired of being the big bad wolf

Dear V,

I am a happy girl in a great relationship with a pretty active sex life. I’m a big fan of intercourse in itself but I do all the other stuff to keep things interesting and fun. However, one little problem; my boyfriend will not get off during intercourse, like ever. He only orgasms when I give him a blowjob. Is there something I am doing wrong?  It’s really making me worried that he only finds pleasure from one thing. And I’m so tired of going down there all the time I could scream. Please help!


Tired of Being the Big Bad Wolf

Dear Bad Wolf,

While you may feel like you are the only person with this problem I can assure you, you are not. Stop thinking that it is because you aren’t sexy enough or not good in the sack because such is definitely not the case.  I mean he loves your bjs like no other so you are doing something right.

If you think about it a mouth can just do more than a vagina. Trying to not be too graphic, mouths can perform a lot of tricks and give his area “surprises” that a vagina couldn’t try to compete with. But once again, don’t worry about a life doomed to going down and around all the time. You can break out of this cycle of not getting reciprocated sexual pleasure at the same time as your boyfriend.

I don’t necessarily know your boyfriend and I for certain don’t know his sexual tendencies (once again necessarily), but there are some additional reasons why things may not be panning out. The more a guy masturbates the less likely he is to get pleasure from sexual experiences with a partner.

Sad, but true.

If this is the case, simply decreasing his frequency of private time with that darn bottle of lotion and box of tissues could be the best move. Also, once again I’m just proposing this, but an increased amount of time spent watching hard-core porn can lead to desensitization to real, meaningful sex of his own. The crazy-ass things shown in some pornos can make his more normal but great sexual experiences appear to be less than exciting. Dude needs to put down the controller, turn off the computer, whatever, and get back to real life.

Once again I have no idea what your boy-toy does in his time when he is not in the sheets with you. Just proposing some possible reasons. If none of the above is the case you need to voice your concerns.

I’m sure he finds you unbelievably breathtaking, but you deserve to get it and he deserves to get off simultaneously. Figure out what’s going on in that head of his and then for the sake of all that is good and just, just do it.

With love,


April 14, 2011



Advice Columnist

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