Dear V

Dear V: I’m victim of a ball snatcher


Dear V,

I am at such a loss. I can quickly begin to feel my manhood begin to crumble and I desperately need your help. I was hooking up with this girl the other day and it was pretty hot. Or at least that’s what I thought. Just when things were about to “climax” I guess you could say, this chick made me pull out and then proceeded to make herself climax. I literally sat there horrified staring at her, feeling emasculated. Things were going great, trust me. I have delivered a many satisfied customer before. But this girl made to be no better, heck, not even as good as a vibrator. It’s all I can think about and haven’t been able to perform the deed to my full form since. Please help!

Sincerely,

Victim of ball snatcher

Dear Victim,

Ouch. That hurts on a lot of different levels, no bullshit from me.
Not only are you questioning your manhood, like you said, but at the end of the day you put in a good honest night’s work without reaping any sort of reward. Screw that chick. (Wrong choice of words, my bad.)
You sound like you’re bringing the goods, so truthfully, all I can tell you is to move on to a new one, buddy. No one needs that kind of issue when casual hooking up is supposed to be fun and worry free. I cannot honestly give you a reason as to why you were asked to vacate the premises right as the party was getting real good; I have never heard or seen of anything like that.  However, such is the case in safe sex situations.
If you were doing the deed without proper safety devices I can see where our little tease could have flipped a baby of a shit. Ever heard of babies, cutie pie? I know smart people such as we realize that the “pulling-out method” is not effective and cannot be trusted to prevent pregnancy 100 percent of the time. But, take that as to her reasoning as to stopping the thrust extravaganza and move on from it.
You have got to stop beating yourself up and realize that females would be lucky to get in your draw‘as. However, for your physical and mental well-being, and that of your future lucky sex slaves, please be safe.
As you already know diseases don’t pick and choose who they like to infect. Babies are enough of a reason any day, afternoon, night, midmorning, anytime of the day, to wrap your soldier up before he does any sort of heroic marches at all. The less chance things such as these are likely to happen the more likely your bed partners will be willing to stay for the whole ride. Have fun.

With love,

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com or follow on Twitter at @Dear_V.

April 3, 2011

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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