Dear V

Dear V: I’m victim of a ball snatcher


Dear V,

I am at such a loss. I can quickly begin to feel my manhood begin to crumble and I desperately need your help. I was hooking up with this girl the other day and it was pretty hot. Or at least that’s what I thought. Just when things were about to “climax” I guess you could say, this chick made me pull out and then proceeded to make herself climax. I literally sat there horrified staring at her, feeling emasculated. Things were going great, trust me. I have delivered a many satisfied customer before. But this girl made to be no better, heck, not even as good as a vibrator. It’s all I can think about and haven’t been able to perform the deed to my full form since. Please help!

Sincerely,

Victim of ball snatcher

Dear Victim,

Ouch. That hurts on a lot of different levels, no bullshit from me.
Not only are you questioning your manhood, like you said, but at the end of the day you put in a good honest night’s work without reaping any sort of reward. Screw that chick. (Wrong choice of words, my bad.)
You sound like you’re bringing the goods, so truthfully, all I can tell you is to move on to a new one, buddy. No one needs that kind of issue when casual hooking up is supposed to be fun and worry free. I cannot honestly give you a reason as to why you were asked to vacate the premises right as the party was getting real good; I have never heard or seen of anything like that.  However, such is the case in safe sex situations.
If you were doing the deed without proper safety devices I can see where our little tease could have flipped a baby of a shit. Ever heard of babies, cutie pie? I know smart people such as we realize that the “pulling-out method” is not effective and cannot be trusted to prevent pregnancy 100 percent of the time. But, take that as to her reasoning as to stopping the thrust extravaganza and move on from it.
You have got to stop beating yourself up and realize that females would be lucky to get in your draw‘as. However, for your physical and mental well-being, and that of your future lucky sex slaves, please be safe.
As you already know diseases don’t pick and choose who they like to infect. Babies are enough of a reason any day, afternoon, night, midmorning, anytime of the day, to wrap your soldier up before he does any sort of heroic marches at all. The less chance things such as these are likely to happen the more likely your bed partners will be willing to stay for the whole ride. Have fun.

With love,

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com or follow on Twitter at @Dear_V.

April 3, 2011

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Miami coach Jim Larranaga and his staff spent recent practices pushing his players to whip the ball ...

The University of Miami confirmed in a written release Sunday that starting cornerback Malek Young s ...

In 2016, the Miami Hurricanes had tight end David Njoku, who went in the first round of the 2017 NFL ...

Four days had passed since his University of Miami basketball team squandered a 13-point second half ...

The Miami Hurricanes’ search for offensive line help is set to continue on the weekend of Jan. 26, w ...

Presidents at three higher education institutions in Miami "lend our unified voices” to the cal ...

Thirty high school English teachers from Brazil are spending six weeks at UM in a new skill-building ...

Global and local efforts needed to respond to biological threats, UM President Julio Frenk warned at ...

As artificial Intelligence takes hold, tech visionary David Kenny stresses keeping human values in t ...

UM’s First Black Graduates Project committee visits an iconic D.C. museum for inspiration to create ...

The No. 25/23 Miami men's basketball team shot a sizzling 57.6 percent from the field in pullin ...

The University of Miami women's basketball team picked up its third straight win in eight days ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team (1-2) closed out its opening weekend with a 5-2 loss ...

With the help of dominating victories and dramatic comebacks, the No. 19 Miami women's tennis t ...

The University of Miami men's tennis team (1-1) returns to action on Sunday, as it travels to N ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.