Dear V

Dear V: I can’t take the leopard print man thong

Dear V,

My boyfriend is ridiculously hot. We have tons of fun together and the sex is amazing. However, even though my boyfriend and I have amazing chemistry, he is what most people would most likely refer to as a douche. He is like one person when he is with me and a completely different one when he is around his friends. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even know who I’m dating anymore. He even busted out in an orange man thong the other day due to the suggestions of his dumbass friends. What do I do? I’m in love with my boyfriend, but the boy he is with his buddies is slowly starting to take over.

Sincerely,

Worried Wifey


Dear Wifey,

Seems that you have found yourself a Bro. The typical pain-in-the-ass tool that one can see roaming around campus pretty much any day of the week.

This lovely species tends to have its own language consisting of such words as “dude” and “bra” (and no I do not mean the Victoria’s Secret kind). They can be found in flocks, particularly around peak pool times at the UC pool, typically sporting neon sunglasses, flexing their hopeful little muscles.

I’m sure I have told you things you are already extremely aware of; in fact, the mating rituals of the Bro have seemed to work its magic on you already. Orange man thong? For real? I feel like it is too good to not be the truth, so I will take your word. Can I just ask one thing? What are you doing, sweetie, and why are you even writing to me?

If it had been me in that situation, the second homeboy dropped his pants to the ground and shook it like a saltshaker in a florescent orange floss of an outfit I would have been out the door. There are too many yummy hot pieces of male meat in the world to be stuck with a hunky piece of psycho. If he knew you at all or actually cared more about what you thought then something funny his friends suggested, he would have opted for a much more tasteful choice of skivvies.

I mean, you can’t be stupid. Once again don’t get me wrong, freaky is awesome, but you seem to be at your wit’s end and I’m sure his shenanigans didn’t make you want to stay anymore so. If you really do love this fool then talk to him and tell him what’s up.  If things do not change then dump his ass. Life is too short to be with a ridiculous bra who apparently doesn’t give a shit.

Remember that rebounding can be fun.

With love,

V

March 23, 2011

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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