Dear V

Dear V: I’m a freak in the sheets…

Dear V,

I am what I guess some people would refer to as a freak. The dirtier the better. I love sex-swings, whips, handcuffs, the whole nine yards. However, believe it or not, it tends to frighten a majority of the people I bring back to what you could call my sex-cave. How do I get people to get over the inhibitions and give in to their dark side?

Kinky as a Jerry Curl

Dear Kinks,

Or should I say Queen Dominatrix herself, you seem to have found yourself in quite the bind (no pun intended). I’m glad you know what you want and are not ashamed of it. While I too love the dark side of the bedroom, sometimes not everyone is as willing and eager to embrace their inner wild child. A lot of the time this happens not because of you or anything you did, but because a lot of people are not completely comfortable with themselves in the sack.

Depending on your approach, it could be that you are terrifying. I don’t really know of any dude who wouldn’t shit their pants if a girl came chasing after them with some whips and chains, no matter how hot that girl may be.

In the long run, you need to do what makes you happy, which may entail wrangling in some innocent unsuspecting potential man-slave. I mean, do what you got to do. Love ‘em, whip ‘em, leave ‘em. I don’t know if you’re looking for a regular boy toy or are just good with cycling through a bunch of males. If the former is the case, disregard the seemingly emotional counsel I just gave.

In order to get someone that is willing to stick around and hopefully eventually give in to your dominatrix-ness, you are going to have to enlist a more tactful and gentle approach. Put the cuffs back in the drawer, take down the swing and do some good old-fashioned moves. In the midst of what I am sure you will find boring sexual foreplay start to slowly integrate some moves and/or props of your choosing. If things are going well I’m sure Lucky Man #1 will be totally into it and more than willing to let you slay him. I mean damn, why wouldn’t he?!

Hell if he’s not into it, invite me!

Bottom line: In no way, shape or form should you feel like you need to change who you are or want to be in the sheets.  However, I strongly, strongly advise that perhaps the instant appearance of Kinks, Scary-Ass Sex Monster, slow her role a wee bit. Remember sweetie, men are more scared of us than we are of them. Best wishes for a good swing ride.

With love,


Have a question for V? Hit up or follow on Twitter at @Dear_V.

March 6, 2011



Advice Columnist

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