Dear V

Dear V: If I want it to be good do I get myself a bad boy?

Dear V,

I’m dating this amazing guy. He’s so sweet and awesome and he’s my best friend. I’m just having a problem. My ex is the exact opposite, a bad boy who was never really there for me when I really needed him and not at all trustworthy. But here’s the thing: It totally turned me on. Feelings for my ex are gone, minus the sexual ones. How do I get over this and just be happy with the sex appeal of my new boyfriend who I care deeply about?


Whips and Chains Excite Me

Dear Whips and Chains,

Got to love those bad boys. They are unpredictable and exciting and just “yay!”  But at the same time all they can be counted on for is a broken heart and wasted time. Like you, my little lady, I never really dated the nice boys. Your ex is the kind of guy I used to revel in.

Bad boys don’t want commitment (check), want to have fun (check) and are usually smokin’ (double-check). Everything I was looking for in the opposite sex. I had my friends and family who were always there. No need for a serious thing to develop and just sit back and watch as it slowly turned boring and monotonous.

However, my last relationship quickly made me realize that sometimes being with the king of bad boys is NOT a good idea. I got played every which way and really got hurt. Much like your situation I am now with a super sweet guy. He is definitely not the same as my ex, and you know what? Thank goodness he’s not!

I’m sorry your current boo isn’t getting the job done, but I have a feeling that your sudden surge of sexual feelings for your ex has nothing to actually do with your ex or a lack of feelings for your boyfriend. It’s about you. You need to learn what you like and what gets your engine fired up. And then tell your boyfriend.

Trust me, he just wants to make you real, real happy. Let the conversation flow into what you both like between the sheets and then let the party start and lock the door. Oh, and I know this is obvious, but I thought I would mention it anyways: Do not mention how your ex did it for ya. Show some love for the non-bad boys of the world.

With love,


February 20, 2011



Advice Columnist

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