Dear V

Dear V: How do I deal with the hypocrisy?

Dear V,

I’m an average run-of-the-mill gay man. I like having fun and I like good-looking guys, and having said that, Miami is definitely not a bad place to be! I’ve had lots of good times over my 3.5 years, but one thing has begun to annoy me: Among my sexual escapades are two guys, both of whom were exceedingly insistent on keeping their orientations secret. Of course, that was nothing too unusual and I willingly complied, but recently I’ve overheard one of them joking around and using a particularly vulgar and vicious homophobic slur. Normally I would never out another of my kind, but the hypocrisy is overwhelming in this case. At what point do I stop biting my tongue and teach these jerks a lesson about how to treat ex-lovers?

A Queer Quagmire

Well Quagmire,

I do understand your frustration, regardless of sexual orientation. Personally, I cannot stomach someone who shows a person genuine care and affection solely behind closed doors; to make sure not to let their true feelings be seen. It only shows a great deal of insecurity on their part, especially in your specific case.

While I do share a certain level of contempt with such individuals, I think you need to reflect on your own past if you desire a truly well thought-out approach to dealing with such people.

Just reflect back on your own life when you were tucked away in that horribly cramped and outdated closet that most assuredly brought you a certain level of bitterness and pain. You look back on that person and you vow that you’ll never regress to such a phase. You’ll never return to such a fragile state of mind. You’ll never hide who you were meant to be.

But what you have to remember is, at that time, you would have denied your true identity to the grave, in whatever fashion you deemed suitable. What you are witnessing in your exes is just that- a total and overtly obvious dismissal of their true identity.

What good is it try to force an issue with which you honestly have no business getting involved in? I agree that homophobic slurs of any kind have no place in conversation. So, if that is your issue, then I encourage you to speak your mind and share your distaste for the terminology, not for the person who is exhibiting an abundance of ignorance.

Personally, it seems that you’re simply looking for an excuse to act out some suppressed anger that has built up over some time for these people. In that case, I encourage you to just let go. If it helps, find contentment in the notion that while they are spreading words of hate, they are concealing an ever-increasing amount of internalized turmoil and confusion, which is most certainly a sufficient punishment.

Have the “It Gets Better” videos taught you nothing? Bullying comes in many forms and it is in no way a phenomena reserved solely for heterosexual homophobic men. You too can become a bearer of the blunt object of brutality- simply with your words. So bite your tongue, for a well-trained one knows when to speak, when to stay quiet and (as every gay man should know) when to go to town.

Think about it,

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.

November 17, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

University of Miami men’s basketball coach Jim Larrañaga received a grand jury subpoena for his phon ...

Get ready for an avalanche of University of Miami defensive backs and linemen descending on the Hard ...

The University of Miami football team has another player with a season-ending injury — and this one ...

When UM coach Mark Richt summoned quarterback Malik Rosier into his office last year, a few months a ...

Quarterback Malik Rosier of the No. 8-ranked Miami Hurricanes maintains a solid third place in what ...

Univeristy of Miami’s Wynwood Art Gallery holds its annual faculty exhibition featuring thought-prov ...

From a game simulating how whales navigate to a tribute to Ella Fitzgerald, the U showcased some of ...

A new mobile game called Blues and Reds, now available worldwide, aims to help researchers study int ...

A major Lancet Commission report, a three-year project headed by UM’s Professor Felicia Knaul and co ...

With a $6.8 million NIH grant, the UM School of Nursing and Health Studies and FIU Robert Stempel Co ...

The Hurricanes will look to slow down an inspired Syracuse team at Hard Rock Stadium on Saturday. ...

University of Miami head coach Mark Richt was selected to the 20-member Paul "Bear" Bryant ...

As a Hurricane Club member, you are invited to participate in the 25th Annual University of Miami Ha ...

University of Miami sophomore Bruce Brown Jr. was among 21 players named to the watch list for the 2 ...

Head coach Katie Meier and senior forward/center Erykah Davenport will represent Miami Thursday at t ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.