Dear V

Dear V: Should I stop calling? Stop calling?

Dear V,

I recently had a weekend of mind-blowing sex with a guy that I met through a mutual friend. We had socialized in a group setting prior to this weekend; however, this was the first opportunity we had to be alone once the crowd dissipated and obviously the chemistry was explosive. Now I find myself thinking about him all of the time and really want to spend more time with him – I think he could be lasting material. I just don’t know how to initiate a next meeting for us. I want him to be the gentleman and step up. Aside from messaging his Facebook and texting him to see how his days are, I just can’t seem to get him to step up and see where this “thing” might lead to. He hasn’t really called me or asked what I was doing since this past weekend and I want to let him know that I want him to quite badly.

Misty for Mr. Right

Dear Misty Breeches,

This seems to be a question that requires a great deal of introspection on your part  because you are the only one that has the certainty of your feelings towards this person.

Sex is a great component to any relationship – casual, open, committed; it truly does add a passion an intimacy that can take the connection to a whole other level, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily have to settle down with the suitor just because he’s an adequate lay.

It seems to me that rather than being head over heels for the guy, you are more intrigued by the illusion that you have created of what he “could” represent – just because of his talents in the bedroom. While I can say that you could possibly have a great bond and emotional connection with this individual -coinciding with the stellar sex life you have discovered- that should not be something that you have to work at tirelessly. Those feelings, generally, should be effortless in their manifestation.

Furthermore, there is no need to inundate his phone with texts and perpetually cyber-stalk social networking sites to see if he is in fact really just working on his paper that night, or if he actually went out for drinks with that jezebel who commented on his earlier status update.

Just take this in stride.

If you do want to develop something with said individual, then I suggest that you exhibit a level of restraint and mystery and allow him the opportunity to wonder about your daily doings. Keep yourself from texting the man repeatedly and constantly spending time on his Facebook. It’s called self control! Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill and certainly don’t make a relationship out of a ravaging night of sex.

You are hormonally drawn to a person who was able to make your toes curl and your eyes roll, but that doesn’t mean that he is necessarily boyfriend material. Pursue what you want from this, just remember to remain sensible and open to the idea that it might just end with that momentous weekend you two shared, which isn’t something to scoff at considering your overall level of enjoyment.

So sign out, clear your head and realize that waiting on his every action is about as pointless as watching water boil.

Free yourself, Misty!


Have a question for V? Hit up or follow on Twitter at @Dear_V.

October 27, 2010



Advice Columnist

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