V's Take

Dear V: Is my fetish going to throw me off the saddle?

Dear V,

I’ve been going out with this girl for almost four months now, and I cannot remember the last time I was this happy. She is one of the few women I know who I find genuinely hilarious. She satisfies all of my criteria, both physically and personality wise, and the sex has been great for the both of us.

Lately though, I’ve been wanting to get her and I to explore new things to do in bed, and I’ve been focusing on one fetish in particular, called face sitting. It’s self-explanatory, and I won’t go into detail. In my experience, a lot of women find this fetish to be a bit weird, even disturbing.

I have two questions that I hope you can help answer: One, how do I go about suggesting we try it without getting her upset? I really love her, and I honestly think she would enjoy it. But I don’t want to lose her because of a silly fetish that I want to experiment with. Two, am I normal for wanting to explore this particular act? Should I seek help?

Sincerely,

Breathless in Miami

Dear Breathless,

Aside from the fact that I appreciate your honesty and intrigue, I am personally relieved that I’m not the only individual out there wondering if my level of kink transcends the average person’s.

Without having personal knowledge of your social interactions, I am not aware of how comfortable you are addressing potentially awkward topics, such as sexual fantasies, with your girlfriend. However, I would suggest bringing it up in a heated fashion (not aggressive or angry). I’m referring to heated in the dirty sense.

I’ve found that dirty talk, while it may only go as far as to remain within the confines of the verbal contextualization in which it has been formulated, embodies sexual desires that each partner may wish to explore. Because this topic definitely earns a few stars in terms of kink, bringing it up in civilized conversation between involved parties could prove fatal.

If you are comfortable discussing the “ins and outs” of sexual exploration amongst one another verbally, than I suggest you take it from that approach. If a distasteful reaction is the result, an understanding of her personal tendency to try such a technique has been achieved.

Furthermore, she could question your seriousness to do such things – opening a window of opportunity to express your desires. The best-case scenario is that she wholeheartedly embraces your sexual intrigues and the heated conversation could prove to be round one of an ideally ongoing euphoric experience.

I would also like to note that simply attempting to try out your curiosity in the heat of the moment is not advisable. You are not certain of her comfort level, and directing her to use your face as a saddle might not be the words she wants to have whispered in her ear.

Never be ashamed of your kinky-side – animal cruelty, domestic abuse and self-mutilation aside. Cookie-cutter sex is ok once or twice, but it’s nice to break away from the confines and get your hands dirty.

Take a deep breath and dive in,

V

October 19, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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