V's Take

Dear V: The man of my dreams wants to rush things…

Dear V,

I recently started seeing this amazing guy. He’s a smart, classy, sweet and optimistic man with lips that are as good for nice conversation as they are for blissful kisses. Did I mention he’s a doctor and that we have similar family backgrounds? I think I could seriously like this guy if everything progresses smoothly. The only apparent problem is how quickly he’s wanted to start having sex. I’m certainly attracted to him, but I find myself wondering if getting in bed this early is wise. Furthermore, if he wants to do it with me this fast, how many others has he rushed into bed? I just highly doubt that, considering his age and obvious appeal, I’m special enough to have triggered a change in behavior. What is one to do when they just might have met the man of their dreams, but haven’t been given the time to develop the romantic fantasies that foreshadow lasting love?

Sincerely,

Skeptically bedding Dr. Fast


Skeptical Seductee,

I understand your worries about jumping into the sack too quickly. You seem to have insight into questions that many people seem to overlook when dealing with similar situations. Specifically, are his actions that he is showing you unique to you or is it a generic gesture that he bestows upon others? Does he get around?

Well, judging from his forwardness and apparent confidence, it seems that this might be a common trend for him. He is a successful professional and most likely indulging in the sexual side of his life. But that cannot be the only aspect that you use to evaluate his intentions with you.

Observe his level of intrigue in conversation and your interests, his eagerness to be with you outside of the bedroom and how available he makes himself to you- among other things.

While I encourage your inquisitive nature, I also suggest that you see beyond your fears and realize that there truly are no “rules” when it comes to dating or romancing someone. While many people may generally engage in carefree encounters with multiple partners within a relatively short period of time, that does not imply that those with similar sexual and forward dispositions all engage in such behavior.

I suggest that you progress at a rate at which you feel comfortable and allow him to engage based on your willingness. It goes without saying that you should never do what  brings you a level of discomfort, especially in terms of intimacy.

In reality, you can be the only judge of his actions. So if you cannot gauge his actions and evaluate the level of seriousness with him, then simply ask. Communication is key here and needs to be made available- both inside and outside of the bedroom (of course, some communication that goes on inside the bedroom should never see the light of day).

Don’t write him off because his level of passion and interest is exuberant. Simply progress at your speed and, while holding tight to your guards, leave a bit of wiggle room for opportunity.

Warmest Regards,

V

October 13, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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