V's Take

Dear V: ‘What’s love got to do with it?’

Dear V,

I’m starting to appreciate that question that Tina Turner asked in the 80s: “What’s love got to do with it?” Of course, like most people, I want to be loved. But I’ve been on that path enough to know that I’m not ready, nor do I have the time. I’m at the end of my college career, preparing to enter the real world and hopefully kick some ass. But it’s that little thing called sexual desire that keeps me dating; that keeps me exerting energy I don’t have for guys who end up complaining that they “don’t know their place in my world.” Eek! I just want some good sex and snuggling. I had that with my ex-boyfriend, and I’ve found it’s hard to find without risk. I want to ask him if he would like to have something regular, with no strings attached this time around. The problem is I don’t know how to ask him about it without making it sound like I only want him for his penis. Do you have any ideas or suggestions?

Sincerely,

Too busy to love

Dear Busy Lover,

I completely understand and respect the whole “career-first” angle you’re taking with your life. Often, many people easily become distracted by things, such as relationships, that hinder their initial goals and slow them down.

Fortunately for you, we live in a city where strictly sex is understood by many. However, your dilemma is slightly different. You wish to seek out a casual relationship with your ex.

This could go one of four ways in my mind: You both could agree that you want to keep things open and casual and explore a strictly sexual relationship with one another. You could find that this is a successful setup. However, you two could also rekindle whatever flame you had initially and subsequently fall back into the complacency and convenience of a somewhat distracting relationship.

The third option is that your ex gains feelings for you once more and you are left trying to get yourself out of a completely undesirable situation. The final road it could take would be your ex completely rejecting your offer and never wishing to communicate with you again.

I, being the eternal optimist, would hope that this person would at least be willing to hear out the offer. But I’m optimistic, not psychic.

I suggest you bring up the offer, in a very light manner, and see his reaction. If it does not pan out, there are many other individuals in this city that could provide semi-casual companionship.

But, more importantly, I also suggest that you reflect on what you really want: someone to rely on for casual sex and snuggling without the drama that usually is involved with a relationship. Perhaps you would like to be in a relationship with someone, just someone who is equally invested in his career and ambitions. This would provide sexual reliability and quality snuggle time. It would have the ideals of one another’s career paths at the forefront of the relationship, which could actually act as a support system for the other.

Decisions, decisions, my ambitious friend.

Good luck,

V

October 3, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Dewan Huell will be wearing green and orange for at least another year. Huell announced Saturday on ...

Their bats and gloves and baseball skills weren't enough Thursday night. Now, the Miami Hurrica ...

Florida State's recruiting trail hit Georgia last week, and while the #Tribe19 class is a focal ...

It's almost summer, time for college football players to wind down and chill out — every now an ...

Alumna and faculty member shares lessons and learning about racial identity in free parent community ...

Voters head to the polls in a historic election to choose the country’s next president. ...

From boathouse to marine research powerhouse, the Rosenstiel School of Marine and Atmospheric Scienc ...

A snapshot guide to the start of summer in and around UM. ...

Former investment banker Charmel Maynard leads UM’s investments and treasury functions. ...

The Canes wrapped up a stormy weekend at the NCAA East Preliminary with their final two qualifiers f ...

Miami native pulls name out of NBA Draft process. ...

Stormy weather in the Gulf of Mexico may have delayed Friday's competition, but wind and rain c ...

Last season, Miami Hurricanes fans created, quite simply, one of the best home-field advantages in c ...

University of Miami senior Christian Langmo and freshman Adria Soriano were edged by Florida's ...

TMH Twitter
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.