Dear V

Dear V: I’m a Southern belle looking for excitement

Dear V,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a couple months, but we don’t really go out on dates. Maybe it’s the college scene, but in high school in the South I was courted by lots of boys who took me out to dinner, to the movies, even just to things like our homecoming carnival night.

So what gives with Miami boys? Either they’re hooking up with you and not dating you, or dating you but not taking you out on actual dates. Of course I love spending time with my boyfriend, but how do I get him to trade up from yet another movie night to a night on the town?

In need of a little more excitement

Dear Excitement Enthusiast,

You’re not alone in that boat, missy! I’ve heard this general complaint from many people in recent times. Dating has apparently gone the way of the economy and Lindsay Lohan’s career (both equally important, in retrospect) and taken a massive hit.

Dating, in the traditional sense, is not as customary as one may think.

Perhaps your southern upbringing embodied traditional values that included customary wooing methods, such as dating in the traditional sense of the word – a niche characteristic of your specific culture.

But Miami is far from traditional.

So, we are in agreement on the fact that Miami values differ greatly from those you are accustomed to, but how might we right said wrongs and get you a few nights on the town?

While I do hate sounding like a broken record, the key to any strong relationship is communication – not incessant chatter, but communicating a clear and direct message.

I’m assuming that you’ve tried sharing your desire to be set free from the circular track that involves Wednesday night movies and late-night reruns of “Friends” watched from the sanctity of your apartment, but if you have yet to, you need to rethink your approach and voice your concern. Guys do need reminders!

So what if direct communication proves futile? This is a tactic that I like to call “inception mode.”

This is not some mid-century culture. Times have progressed and so have the roles for both partners in a relationship. If there is something you wish to do, plan it, then do it. Schedule events together and see if he is receptive to late-night dinners on SoBe or margaritas at Monty’s. Once a trend is set, he may become more receptive and even make some suggestions of his own.  You’ll have successfully made his desires an extension of yours!

Remember: Waiting for him to take the lead, while tempting, reflects the notion that you’ve put yourself second in that aspect of your life. So for the sake of keeping in stride with your southern upbringing (and to drag out another cliche), it’s time to take this horse by the reins and change directions.



Have a question for V? Hit up

September 26, 2010



Advice Columnist

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