V's Take

Dear V: Do I need to tattoo ‘Dyke’ on my forehead?

Dear V,

I’m your typical college woman. I like to look nice, don’t go out without makeup and my clothes always match. There never seems to be a shortage of men checking me out or flirting with me. The only snag is I’m lesbian and although I am flattered, the “it’s not you it really is me” conversation is getting old. I know I’m extremely feminine (I was even a debutant!), but how can I send out the right vibes to the same sex without sacrificing my identity? Short of tattooing “DYKE” on my forehead, I don’t know what to do.

Sincerely,

Prada not Flannel

Hey Prada Mama,

Let me start out by making the most imperative point that I feel needs to be stressed: You never need to change yourself for someone else. Something tells me, call it my amazing intuition, that you are quite aware of this notion already.

Finding someone that you are truly compatible with, or at least compatible enough with to make it through a night (I’m not here to judge), is not an easy task – especially when your window of opportunity is much smaller then most.

You need to remember that it is not the clothes, makeup nor the membership to the Home Depot that makes the lesbian. Please note the sarcasm. But rather, it is the aura and chemistry that one exudes, thus allowing women to make a real connection.

There is no need to alter your appearance or demeanor in any way. Instead, work on your approach.

I suggest you work on your “directness” in order to get your message across. Bashfulness, along with with that glass ceiling and a woman’s place in the kitchen, is best left in the past.

When you notice a woman with whom you feel some attraction, initiate more eye contact. Repeat said eye contact and exude an overtly interested (not whorish or desperate) disposition. Far too many people feel that “the one” will come along when the time is right and the connection will be effortless.

PLEASE NOTE: Such strategies are best saved for teen dramas and will not work in the real world. You reap the rewards of your efforts. But keep in mind, this requires effort.

Furthermore, I suggest you venture out into other areas within Miami. Search for when and where ladies nights are held (there is typically a large lesbian presence) or find a similar element where you feel comfortable.

Despite how hopeless you may feel at times, remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you will catch yours. You simply need to leave out some bait, wait for a bite, then bring in your catch (and, to all my readers, possibly check it for mercury poisoning).

Cast away,

V

September 22, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


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