Dear V,
My boyfriend has recently been getting into the nastiest moods for no reason that I can see – he sulks and won’t speak to or look at me. He’ll go and sit in another room and do something else alone as if I’m not there! He won’t give me an explanation for it, and although I try to be patient with him his behavior does get to me. As soon as I confront him about it or say something in a slightly off tone of voice, he flies into a rage and says I’ve put him in a bad mood because I’m always bitching at him and treating him like shit! I really don’t think I do, and he can never give me an example of this, except for the slightly off thing I just said minutes earlier.
He seems so convinced that I’m out to get him! I realize I should probably just run a mile… but do you have any idea what’s going on here, and is there anything I can do to try and sort it out with him?
Sincerely,
Random Rage
Dear Random Rage,
This is what I’d like to refer to as male PMS, except, unlucky for us, it doesn’t come at the same time every month. Sigh. It definitely seems like something is bothering him, but it’s hard to be sure what it is. As much as this means you want to pester him with questions until you figure out what’s wrong, it’s probably not the best idea.
Most guys aren’t huge fans of talking about their problems and feelings (that’s why they’re men and we’re women). This doesn’t mean they don’t HAVE feelings, they’re just much more reluctant to share and being bombarded with “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” certainly doesn’t make it any better. If he cares about you and trusts you, he’ll probably come talk to you about it on his own time, but until then I would try to back off.
As for him blaming you for all this, I think you might be right about his slight craziness. Unless you’re leaving some major points out of your story, it seems like all you’re guilty of is caring too much and maybe being a bit clingy. While this can be annoying, it’s nothing for him to fly into a rage about.
My advice is to give him a little space and do a few cute surprises for him and involve as little contact as possible while he’s figuring out his issues. Mail him a card, leave his favorite food at his place when he’s not home, something to show him you care and want him to be happy again, but without asking him a million questions.
As you back off and he realizes how you’re only trying to help, hopefully he’ll realize he’s been unreasonable by taking his anger out on you. If this still doesn’t help, maybe you should ask him to talk to someone about it. He might not like the idea, but if you could convince him, it might help him get his thoughts out and understand what’s really bothering him.
Hang in there,
V