Dear V

Dear V: I’m bothered by the ex effect…

Dear V,

I have been going out with my partner for two years and we are planning to move in together, but one thing threatens to derail our happiness.

He has a tendency to mention his ex, whom he dated for a while. She was an extremely difficult and demanding woman, but he’s given me the impression she was always passionate in the bedroom, and I can’t help feeling that he thinks they had better sex than we do.

I don’t want to seem haunted and jealous, but I really wish he would drop the subject. What should I do?


Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

Oh the ex. Probably one of the most frustrating things about being in a relationship is having your significant other constantly refer to the women in their past. If they’re dating you, they should be done thinking about them, right? Wrong.

People never forget their ex’s and will probably always have some feelings for the boyfriends or girlfriends of past. The issue is when it starts interfering with your present relationship. Your boyfriend is allowed to think about his ex girlfriend, but I must agree that it’s disrespectful to bring her up all the time, especially in terms of her bedroom passion (probably the last thing you want to hear).

If it’s really bothering you, I would definitely talk to him about it. As far as I know, you don’t tell him about how great a kisser your ex boyfriend was and for good reason: it’s rude! If your boyfriend has any common sense, he’ll understand why this makes you uncomfortable.

On another topic, he could be purposely bringing this up as a way of hinting something about your current sex life. Ask him if something is wrong. Maybe he wishes you two had a more spicy chemistry in bed and this is his way of hinting at it (not a very good way, but at least he’s trying).

You two have been dating for two years now and I’m sure his feelings for you are much stronger than those for his ex.  Still, I can see how it hurts feeling like he’s comparing you to his past loves.

Hopefully talking things out will get it out of his system and put you two back on track.

Good Luck,


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April 29, 2010



Advice Columnist

2 COMMENTS ON THIS POST To “Dear V: I’m bothered by the ex effect…”

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