Dear V

Dear V: My fiancée swings both ways…

Dear V,

My fiancée that I am in love with, has recently expressed to me that she is bisexual. We have joked about how we are attracted to the same girls, but jokes have started to make me feel insecure, even though I am very sexually experienced. I am open-minded and very sexually liberal myself, but the fear of losing her to someone I can’t compete with has me worried. I want her to experience that side of herself, but in a controlled environment where I can supervise. Still, there is a side of me that wonders if she is truly happy, knowing that there is a hunger that I can’t satisfy.

Player for the Right Team


Dear Right Teamer,

First of all, bravo to you for being so supportive of your wife-to-be. A lot of men would be much less sensitive to this subject, and I think it’s great that you are making things work between you in this new situation.  If you love her as much as you say, I’m sure things will work out just fine for you two.

That being said, I understand how even with your liberal attitude, this can be a difficult new challenge to deal with.  Dating in college is hard enough without discovering your lover swings both ways.  I think it’s important to remember this: she chose to date you, she’s engaged to you, she clearly wants to be with YOU.  Just because she’s also attracted to girls, doesn’t mean she going to go running off with one in the middle of the night.  There are plenty of happily married couples out there where one partner is straight, the other bisexual; there is no reason this can’t work for you too.

If you’re really open to letting her play some for the other team (supervised, as you said), go for it.  I think a play-date with another lady-friend would not only help your fiancée experience her new desires, but also show her how much you care and how supportive you are of her new discovery.

While she may be missing out on some things by being in a monogamous relationship with you, I doubt she’s unhappy.  She wouldn’t have said yes to a marriage proposal if she thought she wanted to be with a woman instead of you.  Stay in the game, support her, and you’ll both be on the winning team.

Best,

V

Have a question for V? Hit up DearV@themiamihurricane.com.


April 11, 2010

Reporters

V

Advice Columnist


ONE COMMENT ON THIS POST To “Dear V: My fiancée swings both ways…”

Around the Web
  • Miami Herald
  • UM News
  • HurricaneSports

Either the Miami Hurricanes get a collective adrenaline rush from heart-palpitating fourth quarters, ...

Mark Richt is not overly concerned with depth. Not when the eighth-ranked Miami Hurricanes (6-0, 4-0 ...

After jumping three spots from No. 10 to No. 7 last week in the Amway Coaches Poll (one spot better ...

University of Miami weak-side linebacker Michael Pinckney is definitely old-school Miami Hurricane. ...

The question came straight at Ahmmon Richards, like a tight spiral. And this time, he was locked in. ...

Univeristy of Miami’s Wynwood Art Gallery holds its annual faculty exhibition featuring thought-prov ...

From a game simulating how whales navigate to a tribute to Ella Fitzgerald, the U showcased some of ...

A new mobile game called Blues and Reds, now available worldwide, aims to help researchers study int ...

A major Lancet Commission report, a three-year project headed by UM’s Professor Felicia Knaul and co ...

With a $6.8 million NIH grant, the UM School of Nursing and Health Studies and FIU Robert Stempel Co ...

The Hurricanes grabbed four interceptions and another ACC victory as they defeated Syracuse, 27-19, ...

The Miami women's tennis team wrapped up play Sunday the ITA Southeast Regional Championships P ...

As a Hurricane Club member, you are invited to participate in the 25th Annual University of Miami Ha ...

Kolby Bird had a career-high 21 kills, but the Hurricanes dropped a five-set battle to Notre Dame on ...

The Miami soccer team recognized its four seniors Sunday afternoon and then dropped a hard-fought 2- ...

TMH Twitter Feed
About TMH

The Miami Hurricane is the student newspaper of the University of Miami in Coral Gables, Fla. The newspaper is edited and produced by undergraduate students at UM and is published weekly in print on Tuesdays during the regular academic year.