Lose the shades

Miami has beautiful, sunny weather most of the time, but despite this fact, it’s never sunny indoors. I’ve never understood why people who are inside refuse to take their sunglasses off, but let’s consider the possibilities.

First, maybe they are on something aside from life. If you are high, wearing shades won’t help you blend with the crowd as a sober contributing member of society but quite the opposite. Use Visine if you are a fool and in public and downgrade that devilishly wide smile to a smirk.

Secondly, some people like to think they have celebrity aura and can’t be bothered by anyone or anything that comes into contact with them.

Well you’re only partially right. Note that nobody wants to approach you regardless of whether you wear sunglasses or not because you have put yourself on your own imaginary pedestal.

This reminds me of the scene in “Just Friends” where Anna Faris, playing a pseudo rock star, uses her hand as a visor while wading her way through her obsessed and persistent fans who aren’t actually anywhere nearby.

Although people won’t approach you, they will notice you. Everyone will make a mental note of you as “that douche.”

Third, why wear sunglasses in the club? The key to a person’s soul requires looking into their eyes; if you are trying to get acquainted with strangers, hiding behind glasses while revealing your shaved, chiseled chest with a half unbuttoned button down won’t exactly elicit comfort.

Some people legitimately need those elderly sun blockers because they are blind or have gotten eye surgery and are sensitive to light. If you wear sunglasses indoors, you seem blind to what is going on right before your eyes and how people perceive you.

If you really don’t want people to approach you, wait until you get older and develop a natural disposition to be grumpy and skeptical of everything. So take the sunglasses off because nothing good can come from being “that person,” unless you enjoy social mockery and refuse to be taken seriously by your peers.

Evan Seaman is a junior majoring in marketing. He may be contacted at eseaman@themiamihurricane.com. His blog is posted on perturbedheaven.blogspot.com.

March 31, 2010


Evan Seaman

Contributing Columnist

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