Dear V,
I love my girlfriend and she loves me a lot… we have a lot in common and the sex is great, however I have a problem with her view on certain things. She thinks it’s ok to have sex with someone that you are not in a relationship with. She on several occasions has had sex with guys she barely knows. I happen to think the opposite. I think it’s gross to do that. I’ve tried to get her to change her mind but she won’t. I keep thinking she has had sex with like a million guys, but of course she loves me very much and wants to have sex with no one else. I can’t change her past, but it bothers me.. Is she a whore? Or am I too picky?
Picky Dude
Dear Picky Dude,
I wouldn’t say she’s a whore (1. because that has a pretty harsh connotation and 2. because she’s your girlfriend and that’s just plain mean). I can understand, however, how this bothers you.
Knowing that the person you are in love with doesn’t share some of the strong values you have can be unsettling and create a sense of disconnect in your relationship.
How casual sex is viewed varies greatly across the board; while many people like you seem to value it as something a bit more sacred, others.. well let’s just say, put it all out there.
What you have to remember is that she’s with you now. Yes, she may have been a bit promiscuous before your relationship, but she clearly loves you enough to put those antics aside and stick with the one guy that makes her happy.
As long as you know that she is loyal and faithful to what you have together, I say you should try to forget the past.
Who knows, her views might change as you two continue to get closer and she realizes how having something special makes sex all that much better. It sounds like you two are very happy together, and I wouldn’t let this issue ruin in.
Best,
V
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